tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post150631599578540389..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Toxic FriendshipsStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-79447966868093064362016-05-07T15:18:30.236-07:002016-05-07T15:18:30.236-07:00I agree with the observation about certain segment...I agree with the observation about certain segments of society being tribal and defending members of their tribe to the point where they become dogmatic and ignore facts and truth. Of course, I would view that as misplaced and blind loyalty.<br /><br />I gave some thought to Marissa Higgins observations. I can't say, for myself, that the people I am closest to I think of very often, be it friends or family. I can say that I have a depth of knowledge about their lives and experiences I can draw from.<br /><br />And sadly, some friendships have to end. It's rarely pleasant and often is painful. However, as an astute person remarked "Everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end."Shaun Fhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17425084501514329529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-54266667597965894252016-05-04T10:50:40.772-07:002016-05-04T10:50:40.772-07:00Overall a good summary. I was curious about the ti...Overall a good summary. I was curious about the title "toxic friendship" while that was only mentioned at the end, and with minimum commentary.<br /><br />As a side note, a long while ago I read C.S. Lewis's book "The four loves", and he called friendship #2, Philia.<br />https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Four_Loves#Philia.E2.80.94friend_bond<br /><br />This blog also didn't attempt any differentiation between male friendships, female friendships, or male-female friendships, assuming the third exists in nonfamily relations outside of romantic interests.<br /><br />We've also neglected the question of how friendships change with age, with peer groups being more important for youth, and how friendships can form across generations, or whether if those end up more mentoring friendships.<br /><br />Finally back to the "toxic" aspects, I admit this quote from Stuart sounds more like what I see from my 20yo niece's facebook posts or motivational graphics, worded much better, but just as fatalistic.<br />Stuart: "Not all friendships are equally beneficial. One does not like to think that one should be getting something out of a friendship, but once a friendship becomes toxic it will be taking more from you than it is giving. A toxic friendship distracts you from the tasks at hand, undermines your confidence, occupies your mind with needless drama and conflict. At that point, it will need to be ended."<br /><br />My experience might show people who talk about "needless drama and conflict" are the ones most experienced with creating drama and conflict. Or it might be high-drama and low-drama people play off each other in ways, or maybe like extroverts and introverts who have different sorts of struggles.<br /><br />I suppose I'd see most of the problems coming down to a need for assertiveness, learning how to assert boundaries and defend them, and when your skills are lacking its too easy to say its someone else's bad behavior that you can't say no when you want to say no to what they're doing or saying or asking of you.<br /><br />And for that matter, I'd say family relationships are where those skills are learned, and where bad defense mechanisms are learned before we know what we're doing, and so if you want to prefilter out "toxic people" probably the best best is to look at family relations, and if a person can't get along with family, visibly, and contemptuously, you can guess they'll have poor skills to keeping friendships.Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com