tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post2365183848315411079..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: The Case of the Bad FriendStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-68646910109816452712018-06-25T00:47:54.707-07:002018-06-25T00:47:54.707-07:00I'm not much for king of the hill, but for the...I'm not much for king of the hill, but for the sake of anyone suspecting they are HSP who may, in the unlikely event, see this, I will respond this once.<br /><br />The above comments about HSP are negatively framed for the comment's author's reasons. But if you are HSP, you already noticed this.<br /><br />If you suspect you are HSP (been called "too sensitive" all your life?), try googling HSP. What you find will explain a lot, and you will discover a community of people with similar traits and consequent experiences. The relief is palpable. Ideas about HSP seem not to have made strong inroads, so a professional diagnosis is unlikely. But who cares? You will see yourself in a positive way for once, and although the challenges remain, this will last. The combative among us will resist this interpretation of life's experiences, but they are likely part of the majority that is not HSP. It is difficult to understand what we are not.<br /><br />American culture (I cannot speak for the rest of the west) does not value this trait. Asian culture is said to, and this is half true. Because they are valued, Asian's are generally socialized to have many HSP behaviors. But even HSPs risk being looked at askance if they display their traits too much. Nevertheless, Asia is a nice place to be for HSPs.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-3883852053190471832018-06-22T07:39:41.543-07:002018-06-22T07:39:41.543-07:00Anon @7:59am, could be. HSP is now apparently call...Anon @7:59am, could be. HSP is now apparently called SPS, Sensory Processing Sensitivity. A long while ago I had a friend who self-diagnosed as HSP, and it gave her comfort for a while to hear that the way she was wasn't just wrong or bad.<br />https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivityAres Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-12321009577214876282018-06-21T07:59:04.293-07:002018-06-21T07:59:04.293-07:00I think she's just HSP (Highly Sensitive Perso...I think she's just HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), which is not a pathology. Planning and socializing can be exhausting for such people.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-82323788372484497592018-06-21T06:05:36.470-07:002018-06-21T06:05:36.470-07:00The funny thing is planning is easier than ever, e...The funny thing is planning is easier than ever, especially things where attendance is optional. And if you want to be social in a general sense, in cities there are always more things going on than anyone with responsibilities could do. On ease of planning, like I setup a 5k running group as a Facebook group, and with minimal effort I can get 1-5 other runners to show up twice a month. The only downside to socializing by activity if you get injured, you lose your "friends" as Sam might call them. The loyalty is to the activities, and you may miss people if they disappear and reach out or not. Still wider or deeper bonds can form from the humble beginnings of common interest.Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-5843638378362110502018-06-20T20:01:33.700-07:002018-06-20T20:01:33.700-07:00Mrph. Bad Friend talks about how much she hates th...Mrph. Bad Friend talks about how much she hates the process of making plans, but she nowhere says she actually doesn't like doing things with her friends. She may want to ask herself whether she enjoys it when a friend does prevail upon her to go to dinner. Is the problem the back-and-forth of the planning process, or the socializing itself?jaedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03328666344764784829noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-19253110571649661522018-06-20T17:10:11.457-07:002018-06-20T17:10:11.457-07:00I notice that younger people like to be less-plann...I notice that younger people like to be less-planned and more spontaneous. Drives me crazy. It works when you have no commitments in life. I don't think that's what Bad Friend is saying, but I can't rule it out, either. Bad Friend might schedule something on an ongoing basis, such as every Tuesday with three friends, given that everyone can't make it every week. Or an activity that they all tend to go to when it's happening, such as open mic or garden club. Or scheduled brunch once a month with a particular friend. That communicates an ongoing relationship. If she doesn't want any of these things, then I agree she does not actually want friends.<br /><br />Advice columnists tend to have this fallback "Oh golly, if you just <i>talk honestly</i> to them it will all work out, you'll see." I'll bet not.Assistant Village Idiothttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01978011985085795099noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-77446441076002794182018-06-20T09:38:52.053-07:002018-06-20T09:38:52.053-07:00I'm amazed she has any friends. Or should tha...I'm amazed she has any friends. Or should that be "friends"?Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-9899488617675564932018-06-20T06:51:23.733-07:002018-06-20T06:51:23.733-07:00Asking "Am I an awful person?" seems to ...Asking "Am I an awful person?" seems to be fishing for validation, that she's okay as she is, while her social conscience is telling her she needs to do more. Gender also matters here, and women seem to have higher expectations about friendships, about sharing, so if you don't know or don't care about the latest trials and tribulations of your friends, then you're not a good friend. <br /><br />Perhaps male introverts have it easier since we're not expected to be constantly social. Men can not see friends for weeks or months, and its all okay. If you have common interests, just ask, offer, be asked, answer, tell the truth. We won't take it personally, they won't take it personally. But women also have a bigger problem saying no, so they say yes to things they'd rather say no.<br /><br />For me the real question is, if she could do anything she wants to do with her time when she's alone, what would she do, and then she can look if that's actually what she is doing when she is alone. And if she's not, that's a sign she has other anxieties that need attending and she's using her self-judgments about friendship to avoid something else that's important too.Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com