tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post2878985502925302889..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Sex with Someone You KnowStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-30982918747300899912015-10-26T08:25:37.628-07:002015-10-26T08:25:37.628-07:00Along with the hopeless naiveté of these young wom...Along with the hopeless naiveté of these young women, there is the damage caused from the unwitting male's reaction to the dogma that "women are equal to men" and thus can drink like a man, have sex like a man, etc.<br /><br />To the impressionable and (equally) naïve young male who buys this nonsense, the liberating thought is something like "These chicks are DTF! They're just like dudes! I don't have to worry about hurting her feelings the same way I don't worry about hurting my bro's feelings too much. It's all good!". Especially if she's throwing herself at him, or letting him make advance after advance with nary a roadblock, he's inclined to think everything is cool, and that her processing of and feelings about what's happening are roughly the same as his. (Since men an women are equal, right?).<br /><br />So I can imagine his surprise and confusion when later on she accuses him of anything ranging from "taking advantage of" her, through "assault" all the way up to "rape". Especially if there was no physical coercion involved and she physically went along with everything. It must feel like a horrific betrayal.<br /><br />I'm very glad I graduated from college in the mid-90's and don't have to deal with this BS. There was a hook-up culture back then, but it was mixed with a dating culture. Girls who had legit BF's were held in higher regard then one'' who got around, though no one was overtly judgmental about it. Dudes knew that if you wanted a quality girl you had to put some time in, and didn't really respect girls that gave it up to easily. Chicks could sense this. And chicks knew that getting stupid-drunk at frat parties, or out with random dudes was risky. It was just understood. And this was the early-mid 90s with the beginnings of take-back-the-night vigils and all that crap. There was still a basic understanding that men and women were wired differently, and that's just part of the way things were. To rail against it would be like railing against the changing of the seasons.<br /><br />Nowadays, the fashionable rejection of reality has grown to cartoonish proportions. Young men can be forgiven for thinking, in the words of some comedian I can't recall at the moment: "Feminism has taught me that women aren't special."A-Baxnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-27181312706949437632015-10-25T18:17:22.783-07:002015-10-25T18:17:22.783-07:00Feminists hate men, and other women.Feminists hate men, and other women.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-13764750839490207402015-10-25T11:57:49.830-07:002015-10-25T11:57:49.830-07:00You'd think all the statistics would wake up y...You'd think all the statistics would wake up young women? And as well it seems necessary to me to ungroup violently forced sexual intercourse versus alcohol-encouraged sex versus next-day-regret sex, and see a spectrum of bad situations even that are not rape at all, but just dealing with reputations through ugly rumors and peer pressure situations.<br /><br />This says only 4% are "strangers", but I assume "someone you know" in this blog excludes "someone you just met 1 hour ago at a party and found a dark room". I guess hookups fits as the 19% "Acquaintance"?!<br />http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-statistics/<br />Someone with whom the respondent was in love: 46%<br />– Someone that the respondent knew well: 22%<br />– Acquaintance: 19%<br />– Spouse: 9%<br />– Stranger: 4%<br /><br />And here's the naivity part I guess, underage. Under age 12?!?!?!<br />– Rape is considered a “crime of youth,” where fifty to sixty-three percent of reported rapes were of women under age 18, while sixteen to twenty-nine percent were under age 12.<br />– Females ages 16-24 have the highest likelihood of rape – two to three times higher. <br /><br />So it sounds like parental attention must help. I know one dad who offered to pay 100% of his straight-A student daughter's public college costs if she stayed sexually inactive and drug and alcohol free through college graduation, and she agreed. I never heard how that ended up.<br /><br />Anyway, I'm still willing to put a high blame on alcohol, on the lowered inhibitions side. Teaching your kids about delaying sex doesn't help if they indulge in getting drunk.<br /><br />I admit I don't know how good of a parent I would have been, since I skipped over the entire college party scene. Or at least I discovered you could have interesting conversations with people at a party after midnight, but I never drank anything, and never felt an impulse to. One friend asked me why on a camping trip and I said "My parents didn't drink" and that satisfied him.<br /><br />Besides avoiding alcohol, I'd imagine its good for a parent to teach his daughters assertiveness skills, how to say no, how to retreat from uncomfortable circumstances, how to escalate resistance under different conditions. There must be some videos out there about avoiding peer pressure for all causes whether jumping off a bridge, to drugs to sex to shop-lifting. <br /><br />It seems like parents have two different problems: (1) Being a hypocrite telling your kids not to do what you did (2) Being nerdier than your kids and not understanding peer pressure kids have now-a-days.<br /><br />And I can see a child or young person's friends are critical, and so I wonder if or how a parent can help a child learn to evaluate their friends, and not join up with friends who act in ways your child agrees a person should not act. Getting things right with friends might make the difference with avoiding bad drug and sexual behavior later too. On the other hand, your child might play a good role model for her friends who are even more um "idealistic"?<br /><br />I guess I'm glad I'm not a parent, and it easier to consider ideas than to be willing to do them if I was a parent. We're back to the "walk in someone else's shoes" thing I guess. Parents surely need their own positive "peer support" as well!Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com