tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post3114193479731058907..comments2024-03-18T08:02:51.154-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: How to Wreck Your MarriageStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-32606785762691658052017-05-12T12:17:51.416-07:002017-05-12T12:17:51.416-07:00The wife is right. If the husband is having one ni...The wife is right. If the husband is having one night stands on business trips--whether because he's genuinely and temporarily aroused or because its an expected part of his business culture (and it often is) it's likely to be irrelevant to their marriage. That he gets drunk on those trips may be because the many requirements of his role as a "businessman" are remote from who he is as a man (a person) and force him to act so inauthentically, he can only get through it by getting drunk. In any case, it is what it is and only what it is and it's likely about him, not her or their marriage.Waltnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-37768706712491767422017-05-12T10:51:13.406-07:002017-05-12T10:51:13.406-07:00Sam,
"I see the therapist as feeding the fire...Sam,<br />"I see the therapist as feeding the fire for more sessions."<br />Kind of like the candy at the dentist's office.Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642228725661059539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-64680283024140924442017-05-12T09:36:41.696-07:002017-05-12T09:36:41.696-07:00I see the therapist as feeding the fire for more s...I see the therapist as feeding the fire for more sessions.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-43242808175129666942017-05-12T06:40:20.528-07:002017-05-12T06:40:20.528-07:00Stuart: They prefer mythmaking and storytelling. N...Stuart: They prefer mythmaking and storytelling. No matter what the patient says the therapist will spin out an excruciating narrative that probably shows nothing more than the therapist’s ability to spin out narratives.<br /><br />This certainly sounds destructive.<br /><br />Stuart: We do not know what may or may not have caused this behavior, but, as everyone but Gottlieb knows, the biggest mistake you can make is to take it personally. <br /><br />That would also be my advice, although I'm still not sure what to do when you find yourself taking something personally against your will.<br /><br />She asks confusingly "Can I continue to look the other way, and hope that whatever is going on passes without any major harm done?"<br /><br />The key phrase is "whatever is going on" which suggests she has certainty there is something unknown, while it could be nothing. And she can't even guess what the right questions would be.<br /><br />ANd that's my general conclusions on conspiracies. There certainly are coverups, but its more likely someone covering up their stupidity getting scammed, or negligence at something they should have been paying attention to, or even just secret depression expressed as drinking alone. And in such cases it is shame doing the cover up, and it would be better for a spouse to know, at least if its not something he can escape immediately, or if the situation can threaten their financial stability.<br /><br />So expanding the dangers like that we can ask if it is prudent she "hopes that whatever is going on passes without any major harm done"?<br /><br />If it has nothing to do with her at all (but it may affect her in the future), and she's willing to learn her husband isn't perfect, it would seem better if he could confide in her if she asks what's going on.<br /><br />It seems fair for her to ask generically if something is wrong, but she's still stuck trusting his answer if he says no. But at least then it would stay his responsibility to withhold anything.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com