tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post3174862452684936465..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Still Crushing After All These YearsStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-20917844341197200342017-09-09T15:40:22.679-07:002017-09-09T15:40:22.679-07:00Jack Fisher said... AO, I believe that if you take...Jack Fisher said... AO, I believe that if you take the vows, love is unconditional. To unconditionally love a spouse does not mean accept, approve or ratify misconduct. <br /><br />I certainly agree it is possible to be accepting of a person (in the unconditional sense), without accepting their behavior. But there's still an open question how that's done, especially given we're all self-righteous hypocrites in our own moments of pain. <br /><br />Apparently people can still write books about these things and it all makes sense, until its real and right in front of you.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-5100477565019585262017-09-09T13:52:29.748-07:002017-09-09T13:52:29.748-07:00AO, I believe that if you take the vows, love is u...AO, I believe that if you take the vows, love is unconditional. To unconditionally love a spouse does not mean accept, approve or ratify misconduct. Do not confuse love with affection. If a wife is an alcoholic and is ruining the family, the husband must get help for her. That is love, where love means acts of love. I don't think we define love in the same way.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-42445629268094431112017-09-09T13:28:20.882-07:002017-09-09T13:28:20.882-07:00Jack, it looks like the author was trying to paint...Jack, it looks like the author was trying to paint two opposite unrealistic extreme, perhaps summarized as pure unconditional versus conditional love. I imagine he would agree with your examples of insanity of unconditional love, even if that's where many people start in a new relationship. But all the problems start as soon as you need a person to be different than they are, to accept them. Life coaches at least have the virtue of not caring if you change or not, but only helping you when you're ready.<br /><br />Anyway, I only looked at the author now and I see he's promoting his new book. <br />----<br />Eli J. Finkel, a professor of psychology at Northwestern University and the Kellogg School of Management, is the author of the forthcoming book “The All-Or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work,”<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-29201521909375496522017-09-09T11:42:05.174-07:002017-09-09T11:42:05.174-07:00Ares, I don't consider my wife a "life co...Ares, I don't consider my wife a "life coach" and its hard to imagine any adult who would call his or her spouse that.<br /><br />And I don't believe love "must convey appreciation for the person we currently are." That is insane to expect a spouse do approve bad decisions, as in by saying, "I appreciate you as up and coming mid level manager of a illegal narcotics distribution ring." Or, "you're an alcoholic and just blew the rent on beer, but I'm conveying appreciation even though ythe kids will go hungry again." Madness.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-81142567030350317912017-09-09T10:57:07.946-07:002017-09-09T10:57:07.946-07:00Wow, this is what marriage is like? Happy but not ...Wow, this is what marriage is like? Happy but not fulfilled? <br /><br />This opinion piece from NYT is more interesting, spouse as life coach? Does anyone want to live with their coach? I'll go with the opinion that the opposite sex wasn't made to fix anything in us, even if their perplexing nature can keep us humble.<br />https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/08/opinion/sunday/how-to-fix-the-person-you-love.html<br />---<br />At the heart of the American ideal of marriage lurks a potential conflict. We expect our spouse to make us feel loved and valued, while also expecting him or her to help us discover and actualize our best self.... The problem is that what helps us achieve one of these goals is often incompatible with what helps us achieve the other. To make us feel loved and valued, our spouse must convey appreciation for the person we currently are. To help us grow, he or she must emphasize the discrepancy between that person and the person we can ideally become, typically by casting a sober, critical eye on our faults.<br />... Today, we expect our spouse not only to make us feel loved, but also to be a kind of life coach.<br />------Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-70941431511026114912017-09-09T09:58:55.088-07:002017-09-09T09:58:55.088-07:00HSG is a bad boy. Women, I hear, are attracted to...HSG is a bad boy. Women, I hear, are attracted to bad boys.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.com