tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post3470019769369227433..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Therapists Promoting Bad MannersStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-35859148359492066812015-10-20T21:09:50.491-07:002015-10-20T21:09:50.491-07:00While I generally agree with your position, I thin...While I generally agree with your position, I think you really picked a baaad example to illustrate it. The fact that the Robinsons have stayed together for 20 years is due in large part to the fact that Mr. R doesn't let himself be pussy-whipped. This makes him an alpha male and holds Mrs. R's interest. <br /><br />On the other hand, I wouldn't recommend that Mr. R express the same behavior in a public setting. sestamibinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-56322149472225020902015-10-20T11:42:52.341-07:002015-10-20T11:42:52.341-07:00Thank you for the clarification. The Journal shoul...Thank you for the clarification. The Journal should know better.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-67376990634152025642015-10-20T11:37:28.078-07:002015-10-20T11:37:28.078-07:00The WSJ article was sloppy, mixing several unrelat...The WSJ article was sloppy, mixing several unrelated things together.<br /><br />They use descriptions of rude and boorish behavior alongside people who are indeed hypersensitive.<br /><br />They are suggesting that misophonia is an isolated condition, when it very often occurs in the context of similar sensitivities to light, odor, movement, foods and pills (i.e., side effects).<br /><br />I would not be surprised that the majority of sufferers are female, that they have multiple such sensitivities, and that many have fibromyalgia, irritable bowel, TMJ pain, and migraine headaches.KCFleminghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00124201866124646626noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-50785083597244952852015-10-20T09:39:22.799-07:002015-10-20T09:39:22.799-07:00Ares, you need to start your own column. Who has ...Ares, you need to start your own column. Who has the patience to wade through your lengthy comments?Sigma Seznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-67783314423101010332015-10-20T06:33:59.190-07:002015-10-20T06:33:59.190-07:00Elizabeth Bernstein: The experts are clear: The pe...Elizabeth Bernstein: The experts are clear: The person who is annoyed by the sounds is the one who needs to change and learn coping skills. If others accommodate you by changing the way they eat, they are only enabling you. <br /><br />I don't know. I can see both sides. Sensitivity is certainly "subjective", and for all I know, it may be we can train ourselves to be less sensitive. Snoring would seem to be the bigger case in marriage, and it's harder to argue over manners there since one person is asleep. And in that case, I can confirm from personal experience that the more attention you give to a sound, the louder it seems.<br /><br />So back to the loud husband, let's say we do an experiment and discover 82 of 100 people don't notice his chewing habits, does that make the 18 "wrong" for their sensitivity? What if his chewing is normal to 60% the population and within a tolerance of "good manners" as objectively measured by some expert? Would that make him "right" to object to her complaint?<br /><br />And in the opposite direction, we can say if this man "really loved" his wife, he would be willing to be considerate towards her needs. What we don't know is how much he has tried to change over the 20 year marriage. The conversation itself sounds a bit one-sided, she saying peacably “Please, slow down and enjoy the food.” while he was irritated supposedly saying “I am sorry I disgust you so much that we can’t even be in the same room together,” But if this is a 20 year old argument, you'd think his answer wouldn't contain such apparent surprise by her request.<br /><br />And if we're putting therapists in the argument, I'd imagine some of them would not just be there to say who is RIGHT, but they'd want to look at wider dynamics, is her husband always so insensitive? Is he having a bad day? Has she made the request before? Did she really say it exactly as that? Is there a way she could have expressed herself without implying he was wrong to eat the way he does?<br /><br />We could ask whether she was expressing contempt towards him that she was not aware of, perhaps rolling her eyes, with sarcasm in her voice, as if she was sure he was in the wrong, and that he understood WHY she was telling him what to do.<br /><br />In sort, it seems foolish to take sides at all in any single case. <br /><br />But it looks like the PURPOSE of the article is not to give an objective answer, but to bring up the possibility that "sensitivity" is REAL, and not everyone has that, so we can better understand each others - what we experience is not the same as what others experience. And pretending everything is a matter of common manners is probably not a completely solution to this sort of predicament.<br /><br />Maybe we can discover "Cognitive Behavior Therapy" also works for reducing sensitivity to sounds? <br />http://stuartschneiderman.blogspot.com/2015/10/does-therapy-work-for-depression.html<br /><br />Yes, maybe the husband is a bore, and needs to learn some manners. <br /><br />And maybe both are true?<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com