tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post4058043737851321015..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: What Does It Mean To Be Responsible?Stuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-47399513461976087702009-08-05T11:36:39.436-07:002009-08-05T11:36:39.436-07:00Dr. Schneiderman, I have read several of your colu...Dr. Schneiderman, I have read several of your columns and I admire the clarity of your thinking and your ability to communicate so well. I have to disagree with you on this one though. I think Washington Post columnist Carolyn Hax’s advice was right on the money. I think the sister who assumed her sibling would take her children in the event of her demise was the person being narcissistic and irresponsible. <br /><br />I know we give tax breaks to parents and no such break for people who choose not to have kids. However, I don’t think that the wishes of those who have kids automatically trump those of people who have chosen not to.<br /><br />Look at this particular case. Both women are in good marriages. Hooray! One of them knows she doesn’t want kids and miracle of miracles she has found a spouse who feels the same way. A lot of men won’t even consider marrying a woman unless she is willing to give him a family. Unfortunately, her sister has chosen to have child and fully expects her sibling to take responsibility for them if necessary and got really nasty when she heard the word “no” and realized she wasn’t getting her way.<br /><br />Think about the husband of sister who has chosen to be child free. How many times have wives who have wanted kids while their husband didn’t force the issue by getting pregnant on the sly? These women are expecting something magical to happen when the reluctant daddy holds his child for the first time. I’m sure many times this does work out well, but sometimes it doesn’t. The husband resents the child he didn’t want and realizes he is living with a woman he can’t trust. <br /><br />In the Washington Post case, not only is a man who doesn’t want kids being told he’d better change his attitude, he might have to raise his sister-in-laws kids. Whew! How long do you think it will be before this guy leaves? Not every adult is cut out to be a parent and no one should be shamed into parenthood or be branded as irresponsible if they don’t want to raise someone else’s child.<br /><br />But no matter, because the sister with the kids wants what she wants. That’s all there is to it. In my opinion the responsible act for the sister with kids is to find someone who genuinely wants and can afford to care for her children. This way they will grow up in a loving home instead of with people who are seething with resentment because they no longer have sovereignty over their own lives. I don’t want to see children sent into foster care if it is avoidable. But I think it is a magnanimous and selfless act for a sibling to take responsibility for another sibling’s kids – not a duty.<br /><br />By the way I did a Google search to find out if the late Christopher and Dana Reeve had siblings who could step up raise their teenage son. They did. Mr. Reeve has a brother and Mrs. Reeve has two sisters. However, I believe Dana Reeve made provisions for their son to live with faithful friends instead.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com