tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post565192690735245710..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Coddled ChildrenStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-63278441911105687952015-01-02T11:33:10.030-08:002015-01-02T11:33:10.030-08:00This is clearly a divergent problem, without any u...This is clearly a divergent problem, without any universal rules that apply to all children in all conditions. So whatever answer we find it must have some sort of middle ground that we find by muddling.<br /><br />Some people say children need parents to tell the truth in all things, so that means no santa claus and understanding where babies come from as soon as kids are able to ask.<br /><br />I suppose one standard might be gender division - mothers-protect, fathers-challenge, so the mother is allowed to tell white comforting lies and support a creative interpretation of the world. Afterall babies start helpless and completely vulnerable, so you start with boundaries, inside the circle a child is completely safe, but he can leave the circle and come back whenever he needs to.<br /><br />Maybe you could consider it unconditional and conditional love. <br /><br />My (male) pastor likes to use the world indulgence quite a lot, in expressing ways in which parents spoil their children, as well as avoiding personal responsibility. So I can see as a father, he struggles with his own desire to set boundaries for his kids, and also not wanting to be the bad guy.<br /><br />I'll never be a parent, but I've observed many kids, but I do see there's perhaps always some sort of rebellion that occurs in children, maybe expressed in opposite ways. Like "learned helplessness" would seem to be the opposite of rebellion, but if one or both parents always "take over" when things are not going right, a child will "test the limits" of a helping parent, and they'll keep on playing weak until the parent stops intervening unnecessarily.<br /><br />So rebellion against motherly-love is harder to see what it looks like, while a strict father might promote much more obvious rebellion. Some kids for a long time will follow rules religiously, and will play tattle to earn parental trust. While others will rebel against authority immediately, and will be very aware of unfairness, and try to lawyer all agreements by techicalities, and also outright breaking rules without shame.<br /><br />So anyway, I guess from all that, my conclusions are that parents need to run the gambit, from coddling kids when they're young, to setting hard absolute rules that are not negotiable, BUT probably will be broken at some point anyway, so the "punishment" for transgressions needs to be "natural consequences" as much as possible as kids get older. <br /><br />On the other hand, somewhere the conscience must come in, since often "natural consequences" are so slow (like bad habits) that artificial ones are needed, like parental limits.<br /><br />Its fun to think about in the abstract, but in practice, I can see what people say they'll do as parents will diverge what they really do, when faced by those cute innocent eyes looking up generously for forgiveness, after smouldering the cat's fur with a magnifying glass... Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-56165300155770200862015-01-02T09:58:08.556-08:002015-01-02T09:58:08.556-08:00You got to where I was planning to go. The colleg...You got to where I was planning to go. The college students are trying to keep themselves cosseted, bubble-wrapped to prevent getting scratched, scraped, or bruised.<br /><br />A "Mugger-Friendly" sign on their backs and fronts should be mandatory.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.com