tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post5811813834009665297..comments2024-03-29T01:07:30.224-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Should You Confess to Adultery?Stuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-49307723607173059292015-06-24T10:54:04.670-07:002015-06-24T10:54:04.670-07:00Do you think your boyfriend or husband is cheating...Do you think your boyfriend or husband is cheating on you? Let the country's best female PIs help you get to the bottom of it. We are shooting a new TV pilot for and are looking to help. Please email dana_lillie@discovery.com for further details.Olive Newtonhttps://www.facebook.com/haveyoubeenconnednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-48525512980400572252012-02-16T18:27:00.191-08:002012-02-16T18:27:00.191-08:00Stuart, You are right that short daliances with e...Stuart, You are right that short daliances with escorts and prostitutes are easier to cover up but that is becoming more difficult today. A man who confesses a one-night stand is more likely to truly repent and change his ways because he is forcing himself into accountability by confessing. A man who seeks to keep things "under wraps" may be enticed to continue the behavior and risk getting caught. Former Governor Elliot Spitzer would be a good example of this. <br /><br />For cultures that tolerate husbands having affairs there isn't much to say since the husband is issuing a defacto disclosure by openly committing adultery. I don't think much of wives who tolerate this kind of behavior since it seems that they aren't in to the Biblical concept of "one-flesh" and all that it implies. These kinds of women are using their husbands for other purposes. Hillary Clinton would be a good example of this kind of cynicism. She knew what a dog her husband was yet tolerated him so she could use his influence for her own political ambitions.Jimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04779989953563193520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-3004124015980063252012-02-16T15:47:31.509-08:002012-02-16T15:47:31.509-08:00I just never looked at the issue of adultery thoug...I just never looked at the issue of adultery though the lens of STDs or "whose child is it?".JPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11126071014909954387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-73824319171000073032012-02-16T15:19:34.059-08:002012-02-16T15:19:34.059-08:00Moral codes vary locally, but the laws against adu...Moral codes vary locally, but the laws against adultery are universal. Therefore I find it consistent to say that they are God-given and to say that they have direct correlates in human experience.<br /><br />After all, isn't natural law also God's law?Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-87529201668102404772012-02-16T08:49:22.448-08:002012-02-16T08:49:22.448-08:00"On the other hand, moral codes consistently ..."On the other hand, moral codes consistently condemn adultery, for two reasons.<br /><br />First, a woman who commits adultery might well trick her husband into providing for another man’s child.<br /><br />Second, a man who commits adultery might sire a child with another woman, thus reducing the resources available for his first family.<br /><br />Third, any adultery increases the risk of being infected with an STD."<br /><br />Interesting. If I had to list "why adultery is wrong" those things would not be on my list. <br /><br />I just list adultery in to my list of "things that are a priori evil". These reasons seem to shade off into human experience and legal damages.<br /><br />I generally think about morality independent of experience, anyway.<br /><br />To me, morality must be independent of the local culture and is always a priori. But then I have a mathematical-idealist approach to the moral order.JPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11126071014909954387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-33727267306774155882012-02-16T05:40:20.887-08:002012-02-16T05:40:20.887-08:00Unfortunately, the articles usually fail to distin...Unfortunately, the articles usually fail to distinguish between different types of adultery. There are the one-night-stands, hookups, and escorts... in principle these are the least likely to be revealed. Then, there are long term adulterous relationships where there is much more of a risk that it be revealed. I see your point and basically I agree that if the mistress is about to announce it all to the world, decorum requires the husband to clue his wife in.<br /><br />On the other hand, a man who undertakes a long term relationship with a mistress will often have his wife's tacit approval anyway. She will probably be less concerned about the affair than about the disclosure. Even so, unless the couple lives in a culture where these arrangements are commonplace, he is certainly not treating the mistress very well. It is worth adding that men in those situations often lie to their mistresses about their intentions... they claim that they will divorce their wives when they have no intention of doing so.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-88286509684916702082012-02-15T18:25:37.593-08:002012-02-15T18:25:37.593-08:00Stuart, I am always surprised by psychologists who...Stuart, I am always surprised by psychologists who miss the one obvious point when counseling adulterers not to confess. It is virtually impossible these days to carry an affair in secret. Eventually the truth will be found out. Cell phones, credit cards, restaurant and hotel records, video camaras, etc. leave lots of "audit trails" for others to discover. The only way to keep an affair secret is for others to help you cover your tracks. Eventually the spouse will find out. What makes it worse is that when the spouse discovers the "fraud" he/she also discovers that they are the last to find out and that many friends were really enablers of the cheating spouse. That has to be humiliating. Don't you think the wiser course for the cheater would be to confess before the spouse finds out?Jimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04779989953563193520noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-29914759657306150522012-02-15T12:13:31.344-08:002012-02-15T12:13:31.344-08:00I always like reading these articles. Very insight...I always like reading these articles. Very insightful!Scarlett_156https://www.blogger.com/profile/01337017094345242542noreply@blogger.com