tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post7340235850272460084..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Slut-Shaming or Guilt-TrippingStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger15125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-34973704307330270942013-06-09T09:33:37.177-07:002013-06-09T09:33:37.177-07:00I am not saying that one can be free of "soci...I am not saying that one can be free of "social rules."<br /><br />I am saying that the desire to control the behavior of others is based on personal desires whether one identifies with "left" or "right" or whatever school of thought. Accusing the other side of self-righteousness is a form of hypocrisy when you want to control their behavior as much as they want to control your behavior. How to become more accepting of more patterns of behavior is the very heart of the problem of optimizing individual liberty, is it not?<br /><br />Then tolerance of other cultures and behaviors is the essence of those who seek liberty, this is more an attitude on the "left" than on the "right," although we all want to curb and control the behavior of others that frightens us.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-35526012041371305582013-06-09T06:22:21.934-07:002013-06-09T06:22:21.934-07:00Wouldn't it be fair to say that all cultures i...Wouldn't it be fair to say that all cultures impose rules on human behavior. Do you believe that table manners are an unjust imposition designed to repress your voracious appetite, or is there another reason why cultures impose them.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-19410750144822291882013-06-08T14:39:33.960-07:002013-06-08T14:39:33.960-07:00People on the "right" do not want someth...People on the "right" do not want something at the expense of the liberty of others when they wish to impose standards that curb or control the behavior of others?<br /><br />I think they do just as much as those on the "left" who judge others and want to control their behavior. It is the same process with a different rationalization.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-81970066577599246302013-06-07T14:04:57.967-07:002013-06-07T14:04:57.967-07:00The logic of the Left is simply this: we are alway...The logic of the Left is simply this: we are always right and what we argue always leads to us getting something we want at your expense. If our arguments appear illogical, it is only because you don't realize what we're really after.Memphishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01636056194130886380noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-83843802059136990562013-06-06T15:53:32.939-07:002013-06-06T15:53:32.939-07:00Stuart,
Um...where do you think the woman got the...Stuart,<br /><br />Um...where do you think the woman got the STD? It wasn't by licking an envelope. It was sex (hence the term sexually transmitted disease). STDs and sex are very much linked and you're completely kidding yourself if you think otherwise.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-72614982072951888232013-06-05T17:28:33.847-07:002013-06-05T17:28:33.847-07:00I've found that many people may be curious abo...I've found that many people may be curious about their partner's sexual history, but rarely does that conversation turn out well. In many cases, it introduces uncomfortable feelings or resentment. If you can't deal with this aspect of your partner's past, then it's probably best not to ask.<br /><br />As far as the STI's go, I'd have to agree with you Stuart. I can't imagine the best way to broach this subject would be to ask someone to recount past sexual encounters. It's a matter of health and best approached that way. In some cases it may even involve legal obligations to disclose to your partner.<br /><br />Be careful, it can very well be a minefield out there too.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-69549098659916919542013-06-05T17:19:53.333-07:002013-06-05T17:19:53.333-07:00Judgmental is about as bad a thing to be called as...Judgmental is about as bad a thing to be called as raaaaacist, and maybe even worse.<br /><br />The war on women, by Vrangalova.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-79130356679018601192013-06-05T13:22:56.934-07:002013-06-05T13:22:56.934-07:00Disclosing an infection is not the same as disclos...Disclosing an infection is not the same as disclosing past sexual history. Huh? Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-34424776498039481852013-06-05T13:14:05.960-07:002013-06-05T13:14:05.960-07:00"Also, as you suggest, a woman's past sex..."Also, as you suggest, a woman's past sexual history is none of her new beau's business... she is under no obligation to disclose it."<br /><br />Stuart,<br /><br />So...by your reasoning...it's no business of a man to know the previous sexual history if she happens to have an STD? That's total garbage. If that's the prevailing attitude and given the fact that a large amount of women do, in fact, have some sort of STD, then I'm steering clear of the minefield that is today's relationship. . Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-2309393677236496222013-06-05T12:34:05.628-07:002013-06-05T12:34:05.628-07:00True enough... there are cultures where men expect...True enough... there are cultures where men expect their wives to be virgins. By all accounts these are increasingly rare. If a woman is dealing with a man who has such expectations, she should first know whether she is willing to conform to his cultural standards.<br /><br />Also, as you suggest, a woman's past sexual history is none of her new beau's business... she is under no obligation to disclose it.<br /><br />I agree with you that people do dislike small towns because it is impossible to keep secrets. Then again, when they arrive in the big city they feel out of place and anonymous. <br /><br />Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-75518515863770108192013-06-05T12:29:15.600-07:002013-06-05T12:29:15.600-07:00A woman I knew related a story of her first seriou...A woman I knew related a story of her first serious relationship, and she foolishly admitted to him that she wasn't a virgin, and he apparently used this against her many times to shame her, claiming he was a virgin and this was important to him and later on in some fight he admitted he wasn't.<br /><br />The story surprised me, showing asymmetrical vulnerability, and that people who feel shame apparently feel relief when they can project their shame onto others, make themselves judge over someone else's behavior, while your own is safely hidden.<br /><br />It would be easy to say my woman friend should have simply "stayed pure" and then she'd have been safe from this manipulative person, but I'm not convinced the pure route solves anything, i.e. if she had been PURE, perhaps she would have married this bastard liar, and felt HONORED that he ALSO waited for HER, and so it was her impurity that protected her!<br /><br />So there's lots of perspectives. I agree reputations are king, and I guess that's also why many people hate small towns where your every misdeed is gossip knowledge, and prefer the anonymous city life, and if your "experimenting" causes trouble, you can "recreate" yourself in a new city. At least I think that seems to be an American trait, and we're all walking blindly into someone else's "new self" that may or may not be real.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-24776284199164063792013-06-05T11:55:57.671-07:002013-06-05T11:55:57.671-07:00women are and have been evaluated based upon sexua...women are and have been evaluated based upon sexual reputation since civilization began and always will be. It cannot be changed. Men are evaluated by level of bravery or lack of. That also cannot be changed. That is why 'slutty' women will always be shamed as well as cowardly men. There is no way around it even if the wealth and resources of the world be devoted to it. Wise parents teach their children wisely. See Katzxy, I did not use the word judge at all. That's how it's done.Bobbyenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-76861962140388024452013-06-05T11:52:57.130-07:002013-06-05T11:52:57.130-07:00Thanks to both for exposing the illogic behind her...Thanks to both for exposing the illogic behind her reasoning.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-24791340021455229592013-06-05T11:10:57.078-07:002013-06-05T11:10:57.078-07:00The data is clear and intelligible. Yet, Vrangalov...<i>The data is clear and intelligible. Yet, Vrangalova takes it a step further when she concludes that the women who ostracize their promiscuous cohorts are being judgmental and are engaging in slut-shaming. </i><br /><br />It's especially ironic considering her hypothesis that the reason for women's choice of friends is a desire not to have their boyfriends poached. Vrangalova is basically telling them that they need to *like* having their boyfriends poached, and expose themselves to the risk more, lest sluts feel bad about themselves.<br /><br />It's also ironic that she thinks it wrong to even indirectly and unintentionally cause anyone to feel shame for being ridden like a rent-a-bike, but directly shaming people simply for making friends they are comfortable with is apparently obligatory.The Deucehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09664665914768916965noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-45654603969058743042013-06-05T09:02:25.874-07:002013-06-05T09:02:25.874-07:00I'm confused.
(1) Not judging who to sleep wit...I'm confused.<br />(1) Not judging who to sleep with: okay.<br />(2) Not judging who to be friends with: okay.<br />So the common theme here is that judging is not okay. I know it's a simplification, and that not "not judging" may be a little different from judging, but it's close.<br />But (3) judging those who are judicious is okay?<br /><br />So I'm confused. When is judging okay?katzxyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02271736861541089213noreply@blogger.com