tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post7663457053549997308..comments2024-03-29T01:07:30.224-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: A Role Reversal MarriageStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-74506156245438480612018-03-07T07:33:14.170-08:002018-03-07T07:33:14.170-08:00I knew a woman (work colleague) who was in a marri...I knew a woman (work colleague) who was in a marriage that seemed like this. She was quite attractive, with a pleasant personality, worked hard in a pretty important and well-paid position. It wasn't obvious what her husband did----he had a professional degree, but didn't work in the field---he may have had some sort of small home business going. He didn't seem to do much with the kids (2), even when there was something pretty urgent needing attention. Also, he made slighting comments about her on more than one occasion.<br /><br />I was discussing this with a female friend, and wondered "Why has she stayed with him?", to which the friend answered immediately: "I'll tell you exactly why. He was probably the first man she ever had sex with, or at least the first man she had GOOD sex with, and she really liked it and doesn't understand that there are a lot of guys in the world with whom it would be as good or even better."<br /><br />Don't know if this is the cause of the problems with the marriage in the OP, or the one in comments, but seems like it might be in a lot of cases. (Of course, the sex probably isn't good any more, because too much resentment, but it becomes too late to get out)<br /><br />Women can get sex much more easily than men, of course, but getting SATISFYING sex, apparently not so much.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-88660419858805895322018-03-06T21:25:17.035-08:002018-03-06T21:25:17.035-08:00as usual, there's untruth that undoes stories ...as usual, there's untruth that undoes stories like those.<br /><br />1. family law courts are pro-child, not pro-woman. this is lost to the usual narrative because in divorce, one of the primary motives of the divorcing parties is to hurt each other and children are the usual weapon.<br /><br />2. the "pile of cash" is not community property, it is his separate property.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-57430154348725663542018-03-06T21:16:09.665-08:002018-03-06T21:16:09.665-08:00“What other reason could husband have for having n...“What other reason could husband have for having no self-respect?”<br /><br />S Venker wrote “Want Your Husband to Step Up? Try Getting Out of His Way.” She realized what she’d been doing when she found her husband hiding A1 sauce, so he could eat in peace. She realized it was not only her criticizing A1, but telling him what, how & when to do everything; how to drive, his language & how to improve everything. Controlling wives think "he’s lucky to have my help!" But what they call help, husbands call something else.<br /> <br />A married man with housewife & children built a successful business providing a comfortable living for the family. His wife always b1tched, perhaps because he worked so hard but in a violent outburst of anger she told him she was going to ruin him, take his money & children in such fury it seemed she’d stop at nothing. Later, after peace, he visited an atty who advised she could lie about him being abusive & have him removed from the house & force him to keep her in her current life style regardless of any $’s left to live on. A hearing would occur to officially impose the preliminary order. In months he could appeal at great expensive paying his & her atty’s & family court is so pro-mom nothing would likely change. His business failed, his wife had to go to work & with little enthusiasm he now earns about the same as his wife. They remain together for the children, both resentful.<br /><br />After a bitter divorce a friend gave up on women & eventually built himself significant pile of cash & then met the sweetest woman he’d ever met. She waited on him hand & foot, doted on him. I’ve had my own jaundiced view of fem power of wives, but agreed he found an exception & they married. Soon after marriage while visiting he said he was going to buy a boat, which he could easily afford, & his heretofore “meek” wife scowled: “That’s OUR money & I have to approve any big purchases.”<br /><br />I’ve heard & experienced, women change after marriage. It may be more than “having no self-respect.”Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-24857921701253954192018-03-06T12:44:51.616-08:002018-03-06T12:44:51.616-08:00"She feels less than proud of herself for mak..."She feels less than proud of herself for making the girl’s father look inadequate."<br />It's not HER making him look inadequate; 'tis HIM. Why isn't HE getting meals on the table, doing the laundry and the dishes?Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-75465813879318119132018-03-06T10:09:46.225-08:002018-03-06T10:09:46.225-08:00So why did you marry him?
ProTip: I think you ...So why did you marry him?<br /><br /><br /><br />ProTip: I think you mean "wears a groove with his behind in the couch I paid for".Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-59650040446236158792018-03-06T09:39:05.837-08:002018-03-06T09:39:05.837-08:00Your compassionate response to the wife in this st...Your compassionate response to the wife in this story brought me to tears, because as a woman married to exactly this type of slug, I have never heard anything other than what an awesome guy my husband is to make such a brave choice (that, like the letter writer, I was not consulted about) even as he wears a groove into the couch I paid for with his behind. Like he’s this great feminist (spoiler alert: nope) and I’m some kind of Neanderthal for having hoped for a husband who made my life better, not worse. Anyway, thank you. You’ve made me feel marginally better today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-526666069871432692018-03-06T07:35:58.035-08:002018-03-06T07:35:58.035-08:00Fair point about role reversal... if he's Mr. ...Fair point about role reversal... if he's Mr. Mom, he's not doing a very good job. It reminds me of matriarchal cultures, as seen in Senegal, by Karen McQuillan. http://stuartschneiderman.blogspot.com/2018/01/a-fecalized-environment.html<br /><br />I have the impression that he once did work, but perhaps lost his job and did not bother to find a new one. Of course, it's also possible that he decided to drop out of the workforce to take care of his infant daughter... and promised to return to work when she was old enough. As often happens with these letters, they fail to provide us with enough information. Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-44789676606049489522018-03-06T07:07:43.204-08:002018-03-06T07:07:43.204-08:00Impossible to do more than snipe.
Why did she cho...Impossible to do more than snipe.<br /><br />Why did she choose a profession that takes her away from her family especially when there's a kid involved?<br /> <br />Why did she marry a guy she has no respect for?<br /><br />And, as always, what's his side? I find it interesting that she complains about him being on the phone. The usual complaint would be that he stays home and watches <i>Spongebob</i>, porn or plays video games. So what does he actually do?Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-74463840817670009342018-03-06T06:52:23.179-08:002018-03-06T06:52:23.179-08:00Is this really 'role reversal'?.....If the...Is this really 'role reversal'?.....If the guy had been performing the traditional Wife role, it would have included things like doing laundry, cooking dinner, etc.<br /><br />Sounds more like simple laziness.David Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15464681514800720063noreply@blogger.com