tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post7808772382549945587..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Dealing with RudenessStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-5259649120082667672014-07-01T23:19:39.677-07:002014-07-01T23:19:39.677-07:00Great manners
http://youtu.be/OeURt5VTJJYGreat manners<br /><br />http://youtu.be/OeURt5VTJJYAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-10236191910710317442014-07-01T16:51:11.908-07:002014-07-01T16:51:11.908-07:00"In the end, the best approach boils down to ..."In the end, the best approach boils down to tried-and-true relationship advice: Change your own mode of dress. Don't let yourself become rape-bait."Larry Sheldonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12653436584890594776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-6081362325069689212014-07-01T11:52:38.809-07:002014-07-01T11:52:38.809-07:00I see both sides, being willing to accommodate oth...I see both sides, being willing to accommodate others, and finding a way to be assertive and communicate annoyances, but easier said that done.<br /><br />I like the George Bernard Shaw quote, if we can assume such "assertive" people are both discerning over their preferences and insistent that they are right that everyone should follow their lead: "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man."<br /><br />I'm still trying to see how assertiveness works, and you might see frank communication ITSELF can be considered rude, until you're sure there's a standard of behavior that ought to be followed.<br /><br />And it also reminds me there's a sense of context, and in any given situation that isn't 100% public, it can be one person is more a guest, and the other more a host, and those two roles have their own asymmetric rules perhaps, and in some contexts the guest is usually assumed to be responsible for paying attention to the standards of the guest, and yet the host also may accommodate the guest's rudeness, even with more authority for gentle correction.<br /><br />I guess the simplest to imagine is that some families, especially ones with many kids may tend towards open aggression and teasing, and if you observe them, you'll see they only tease those they like, and so you can learn if you're being teased, that means they're comfort with you, and it means you can feel free to express yourself directly to get what you want.<br /><br />But other families live under more restraint, and don't take to teasing at all, and internalize criticism to a degree, you can ruin their evening by a single insensitive remark, and even if you recognize this, and apologize, you don't know what else to do.<br /><br />So these two "extremes", when they come together, they're going to be trouble, and a covert power struggle over whose values should prevail, again, ideally based on who is the host and who is the guest.<br /><br />So maybe such divergent folk should just never have to meet, because they just misunderstand each other so easily, or maybe just in small quantities, such encounters show that there are different standards of behavior, and both sides can practice showing respect to someone who is very different? At least that's my hope.<br /><br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com