tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post8880035809596013314..comments2024-03-29T01:07:30.224-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: The Case of the Feminist WifeStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-7508206591085349842018-02-15T19:10:58.127-08:002018-02-15T19:10:58.127-08:00Sam L. @February 15, 2018 at 4:51 PM:
I agree.
...Sam L. @February 15, 2018 at 4:51 PM:<br /><br />I agree. <br /><br />-IACAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-67553994774090314232018-02-15T19:08:19.718-08:002018-02-15T19:08:19.718-08:00Stuart Schneiderman @February 14, 2018 at 10:49 AM...Stuart Schneiderman @February 14, 2018 at 10:49 AM:<br /><br />I agree. <br /><br />-IACAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-58712230656227221842018-02-15T16:51:25.628-08:002018-02-15T16:51:25.628-08:00Ares wrote, "(2) We can hold people accountab...Ares wrote, "(2) We can hold people accountable to their own conscience. "<br /><br />I disagree. We do not know what their conscience tells them they should do, and we cannot know. We cannot read their minds. Only THEY can hold themselves accountable to their consciences.<br /><br />I think they need a long conversation about their wants, desires, dislikes, and the things up with which they will not put.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-80166920058114111002018-02-15T07:48:09.074-08:002018-02-15T07:48:09.074-08:00They talk, they just don't make eye contact.They talk, they just don't make eye contact.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-22879552310489003842018-02-14T10:49:07.028-08:002018-02-14T10:49:07.028-08:00I still think that the dog that didn't bark in...I still think that the dog that didn't bark in this story is the question of having children. Will she be a responsible mother?I suspect that her dereliction is more purposeful than stylistic. I know that we all have been told that people can always have meaningful conversations about these matters. But I suspect that they have done so already and that they simply decided that she would cook and he would do the laundry. Apparently, that isn't working out very well.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-2673715752422451322018-02-14T10:31:40.193-08:002018-02-14T10:31:40.193-08:00Mrs Fisher is a trophy wife/eye candy and in Total...Mrs Fisher is a trophy wife/eye candy and in Total Control of the household.<br /><br /><br />in other news, Lieawatha Warren just doubled down on her claim of being a Native A in a pow wow with real Native As. How.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-91622228107177833332018-02-14T10:12:49.627-08:002018-02-14T10:12:49.627-08:00Because of my work I know a lot of housewives marr...Because of my work I know a lot of housewives married to wealthy successful men and they all take great care of their husbands. But whenever it comes up and they mentioned how their arranging everything so their husband doesn't have to worry something or how they wake up to get him breakfast every morning or whatever they always say it's sheepishly. They're embarrassed. I always say that sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do he's giving you a great life huh. They're relieved I get it. I think it's sad how much shame is part of being a good wife nowwhitneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01339343160301118530noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-31052372808638322222018-02-14T09:56:45.835-08:002018-02-14T09:56:45.835-08:00I gave up on reading Hax some years back. I don&#...I gave up on reading Hax some years back. I don't even see Polly, except extracts here.<br />You're a stronger man than I am, Stuart.<br /><br />Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-42830012798930410342018-02-14T09:12:28.262-08:002018-02-14T09:12:28.262-08:00Some people are just prone to messiness and it'...Some people are just prone to messiness and it's not a character defect or a way of disrespecting one's spouse or family. Some people truly struggle with it no matter how hard they try. And they DO TRY!!!! And they DO CARE!!! <br />It's very hard for people who don't have difficulty with it to understand how that can be. <br />If she were single, she would probably be just as prone to disorganization, clutter and what appears to be a lack of concern for the situation.<br />I have no doubt that it is very frustrating for her husband and I hope she is trying. I also hope her husband will talk with her and figure out ways to help her take care of the basics and get on top of it. <br />It is probably quite apparent that I have a problem with this stuff too - I work from home as a freelancer and I am forever trying to stay on top of housework and clutter and balance work with that. Sometimes I have less work and you'd think it would get better - sometimes it does but it's marginally better. <br />It's a problem that probably exists regardless of whether she has work or doesn't have work - it's frustrating for a naturally organized, neat, clean person to be married to a "messy" person. Please don't turn it into so much more. She might actually be trying and could use help with a system, with structure and with an extra dose of compassion. ( forgive me if that sounds too much like "Empathy" ) <br /> Trishapatkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16638674572050656936noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-59665418566256283582018-02-14T08:54:57.555-08:002018-02-14T08:54:57.555-08:00James,
adult life for these people is high skool...James, <br /><br />adult life for these people is high skool with ashtrays.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-54669223912597441652018-02-14T08:44:27.239-08:002018-02-14T08:44:27.239-08:00Jack,
"these two need to sit down and start t...Jack,<br />"these two need to sit down and start talking to each other."<br />You're darn right and honestly too. Something apparently neither one of them has done with each other.Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642228725661059539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-79315894882767482992018-02-14T08:15:48.066-08:002018-02-14T08:15:48.066-08:00freelance consultant = not employed, not employabl...freelance consultant = not employed, not employable, the BA in poetry studies didn't woke I mean work out.<br /><br />Hax is right about one thing. these two need to sit down and start talking to each other. that "having a conversation" is now an execrable libtard phrase does not excuse husbands and wives from talking to each other about these issues instead of writing to advice columnists and getting ridiculed on the internet.Jack Fisherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17873320680596889057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-68366813233457977612018-02-14T08:14:59.232-08:002018-02-14T08:14:59.232-08:00It's a good predicament, actually sounds more ...It's a good predicament, actually sounds more like the predicaments you have with messy roommates, while its easier to tell off roommates who are not keeping up with their agreements, and easier to send on their way.<br /><br />And the thing that makes it a predicament is that he didn't start out resentful, but that's where you get when you have expectations you're not willing to speak aloud, until finally you talk to other people, and their advice generally is just like the roommate situation "Kick the bum out."<br /><br />Another side that is harder to see is why she doesn't have pride in her own house, and so if you look deeper, you'll probably find her own resentment, and perhaps her husband wasn't acting the way she thought a husband should act, and when she tried to speak up, he dismissed her perhaps, and she gave up, and decided that her happiness was more important than a perfect house, and redevoted her passions away from making her husband happy towards hobbies as compensation.<br /><br />I've long wondered how we can hold other people accountable and I've come up with 2 conclusions: (1) We can hold people accountable to the agreements they've made. (2) We can hold people accountable to their own conscience. The first is the weaker one since every agreement can be renegotiated, but you have a right to ask what the new agreement should be when the old one has ended. The second is trickier because generally it means your job is merely to show they're being hypocritical, setting one standard for how they want to be treated, and another standard in how they treat others. So the goal has to be to engage their conscience without replacing it. As well, when you try to call someone else out on their transgressions you'll likely get back a litany of your own that they've been silent about. So you have to make sure your own conscience is clear before you can safely challenge someone else's.<br /><br />And most strangely it does seem like many couples who stay together, it isn't because they've successfully raised their standards, but because they've lowered them until their partner wasn't the bad guy. Anyway, we all can agree its good if this couple avoids having children until they can sort out their issues, and maybe divorce is the simplest answer for such cases, and then you can start over and do things right from the start, and not let things slide into resentment again.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-4112661447153586892018-02-14T07:46:35.723-08:002018-02-14T07:46:35.723-08:00Like nearly all radical feminists, Hax confuses th...Like nearly all radical feminists, Hax confuses the right to act like a jerk with the right to force everyone else to accept you as a jerk. <br /><br />Despite Hax's insistence, the husband here has no obligation whatsoever to accept his wife's jerky behavior; indeed, in my book, he has an obligation (to both himself and his wife) to call her on it; and if she refuses to change, he has an obligation to disassociate from her.<br /><br />It's just one of those times when you need to apply (as an old law professor of mine used to call it) "The Rule of Tough".JPL17https://www.blogger.com/profile/10649330420822802850noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-16547616965525843252018-02-14T06:06:56.746-08:002018-02-14T06:06:56.746-08:00My theory is that one in a hundred people (man or ...My theory is that one in a hundred people (man or woman) is a perfect match. The hard part is finding that match. At least 49 percent of the people are part of the population one could work with although with a little or a lot of work. There is absolutely NO reason to stay with this woman who seems to be on the left side of a bell curve for this man. Far too many good women in the right tail, not meant to be a "double entendre," of that man's possible mates. James is correct that he bears responsibility for creating his on "hell" and makes it even worse by asking an avowed feminist for help. It would seem a life filled with wrong decisions.<br />My son, God bless him, has what I call the "Wounded Dove" syndrome towards women. He just seems to be attracted to women who have problems. One would think that growing up with two sisters he would have enough experience that he would know better. He saw and experienced what women/girls can be both good and not so good. At the very least he has divorced both of them. Don't get me wrong he has turned into the father and man that I hoped he would become. My wife and I get to see his children in June and enjoy them having fun in the pool, going to Disney World and watching them do things that young children do both good and not so good. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-6373700176343038742018-02-14T05:14:39.653-08:002018-02-14T05:14:39.653-08:00I think the guy got what he deserves. What convers...I think the guy got what he deserves. What conversations were held in courtship? My daughter was married to an asshole (no kidding, he was on my list of people I needed to kill before I die), but that was her decision and business. As long as it didn't spill over into my life it wasn't my business. Well it did, she was terribly unhappy and complaining to me a lot. Finally I told her "you have to stand up for yourself (don't be a jackass) be polite but firm. Anyway she did and got another guy who I like alot and she seems very happy. The other guy is off the list.Jameshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642228725661059539noreply@blogger.com