tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post8981620611422265691..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: MisunderstandingsStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-70980169246716575332015-04-26T12:20:30.750-07:002015-04-26T12:20:30.750-07:00I once had a very nice girlfriend who (I thought) ...I once had a very nice girlfriend who (I thought) often looked bored when we were together. She strongly stated, when I asked her about it, that she wasn't bored at all....still, a bit disconcerting. Quite likely a case of facial-expression-misreading on my part.David Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15464681514800720063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-54921658727467473792015-04-26T12:19:02.634-07:002015-04-26T12:19:02.634-07:00I expect that many if not most people, when they a...I expect that many if not most people, when they actively try to manage their facial expressions and their body language in general, will encounter the problem faced by Arthur Koestler's centipede: when he consciously thought about the order in which he should move his legs, he couldn't move at all.David Fosterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15464681514800720063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-50246005410113799292015-04-26T11:58:54.940-07:002015-04-26T11:58:54.940-07:00Heidi Grant Halvorson has lots of videos online, l...Heidi Grant Halvorson has lots of videos online, like this one on getting and giving feedback, posted last October, but nothing on her new book.<br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12OV0OOjudg Heidi Grant Havlorson: Motivation & The Perils of Positive Thinking<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-51970519165269837842015-04-26T11:08:47.740-07:002015-04-26T11:08:47.740-07:00Even within a common community, communication and ...Even within a common community, communication and misunderstandings are a tricky problem. <br /><br />I think of two books, Please Understand Me, by David Keirsey, talking about how the 16-Myers-Briggs types (and 4 primary temperaments) see the world differently.<br />https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Keirsey<br />http://www.amazon.com/Please-Understand-Me-Character-Temperament/dp/0960695400/ref=sr_1_1<br /><br />And also "You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation" by Deborah Tannen, originally published in 1990.<br />https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deborah_Tannen<br />http://www.amazon.com/You-Just-Dont-Understand-Conversation/dp/0060959622/ref=sr_1_1<br /><br />Between gender and temperament there would seem to be vast opportunity for learning "how other see", while of course it is easier to put up strawman arguments for people who see things differently, and show why they're wrong, rather than considering the weaknesses and blindspots of your own ways of seeing.<br /><br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-30286850234601147962015-04-26T09:23:29.421-07:002015-04-26T09:23:29.421-07:00re: In a multicultural world the possibilities fo...re: In a multicultural world the possibilities for misunderstanding multiply. Since verbal and non-verbal gestures belong to localized social codes, when different people from different communities are following different social codes, they will have more misunderstandings. ... People who have been brought up in the same community, who have the same social codes, who follow the same customs will be less likely to misunderstand each other.<br /><br />This is all certainly true, but it might also be true that people used to being a closed community will more likely make assumptions, while those who grow up in a diverse community are more likely to question their assumptions?<br /><br />To me it shows we need to adapt our way of seeing based on our surroundings, so when your with a spouse or family or community of long relationships, you can say little and understand much, but when you're in the wider world, you need to be more vigilant in questioning if you're being understood, or if your understanding may be flawed.<br /><br />I had one "autistic"(?) friend when I was younger and he never smiled, and I asked why. He said he read that animals bare their teeth to show aggression, and he didn't want to express aggression. That amazed me, but I should have asked him if he felt people who smiled were being aggressive. I still don't know if he really believed that, or maybe he just didn't like to smile.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com