tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post2481868183467792054..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Do Women Like to Talk about Sex?Stuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-60997547852714008362015-01-03T22:18:35.229-08:002015-01-03T22:18:35.229-08:00Such a wide range of generalized speculations, I&#...Such a wide range of generalized speculations, I'm dizzy. Really I'm over my head in all regards, but I can think a bit.<br /><br />But we have a concluding point of wisdom to consider:<br />re: Trying to bully a woman into doing something that she does not want to do--even succeeding in getting her to do it--is not a formula for a good sex life. <br /><br />We might wonder how it differs from the gender and subject free generalization "Trying to bully a person into doing something they don't want to do isn't a good formula."<br /><br />My first problem with the generalization is that "bully" isn't an observable behavior, but an interpretation of behavior.<br /><br />My second problem is the phase "doing something they don't want to do", like how do you know what you like to do? First do you SOMETIMES like to do something, but not now, or do you NEVER like to do something, and if you've never done it, how do you know?<br /><br />A third problem to consider is the existence of contempt or resentment, and whatever else is true, its possibly ANYTHING you do with someone who feels resentment might FEEL like bullying.<br /><br />Like its said that wives may feel more receptive to husbands who have done more of the housework, or helped shorten her todo list, or whatever. So a husband might try this nonbullying approach, and think she'll be more receptive, and it may or may not work, and he may or may not point out his good deeds, and may or may not be considered manipulative for "expecting" sex merely for doing something he should be doing anyway (from a resentment perspective).<br /><br />On the other side, he might say, "Hey, how about I clean the garage so we can get the cars in before winter, and then we can go to bed early?" or whatever wording shows the deal he's offering, and she can again feel manipulated or bullied, or not, depending on her feelings, but at least there's a clear point of negotiation, and perhaps a smart woman will add cleaning out the car to his tasks.<br /><br />Never being married, I can't guess how such negotications might go, or whether negotiation are good or bad.<br /><br />I mean then we go back to the first step: "Trying to bully a person into doing something they don't want to do isn't a good formula."<br /><br />If a husband feels resentful or unattractive because he has to "beg" for sex by "bribing" his wife with free labor, then perhaps that might make it impossible to enjoy sex anyway.<br /><br />So there's no simple right answer - feeling "worthy" for a gift without having to earn it gives confidence and encourages autonomous gifts in return, without expecting or needing anything. But when people feel resentful in life, perhaps more explicit negotiations can help assert "unmet needs" that need attention - whether sex or something else.<br /><br />But without knowing the hidden states of human beings, I don't see any "right" answers can be identified in general.Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-41415526052687684362015-01-03T11:34:58.525-08:002015-01-03T11:34:58.525-08:00Eros and AgapeEros and AgapeLeo Gnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-77936775924821754812015-01-03T11:08:48.899-08:002015-01-03T11:08:48.899-08:00I recall the puppy-blending Professor Reynolds of ...I recall the puppy-blending Professor Reynolds of Instapundit recommending "maintenance sex". Basically, the Nike way: Just Do It.<br />And some woman who decided she would, every day for a year.<br /><br />I recommend enlightened self interest: the wife comes first (& 2nd &3rd & 4th &...) and then is much more willing and interested in as often as possible.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.com