tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post2608606960799871650..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: The Virtue of Keeping SecretsStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-89384764774454866202019-05-20T16:47:14.807-07:002019-05-20T16:47:14.807-07:00I had a friend who I finally decided to avoid beca...I had a friend who I finally decided to avoid because of his gossip. The last straw was when he had a 5-10$ argument with another guy in our carpool, and soon after shared some malignant gossip with me - I figured: either this is nasty gossip (true or untrue), or he's betraying a confidence over 5$ = too dangerous to hang around with. <br /><br /> He was very talkative in general, and took the position that his right to free speech meant he could say whatever he wanted.<br /><br /> Seeing him explicitly pull his tricks on someone else finally got me to see the light. I think this relationship did a lot of social damage to me, to the point where I gave up on a lot of mutual acquaintances. My bad for over generalizing, and I regret that decision. I am too intolerant of unfriendly attitudes ( because I expect they will spread to others - LIKELY BECAUSE OF THIS TOXIC RELATIONSHIP). <br /><br /> His charm and social standing allowed him a constant turnover of friends, and this may be a sign of someone to avoid - angry former friends who don't quite dare? speak against him as much as he deserves. But that requires long and close observation, so it's not much use as a "tell".jfmorishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00958534016660980260noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-4119572176818799982019-05-18T17:30:46.832-07:002019-05-18T17:30:46.832-07:00Sharing fearful visions seems weird, and I'm s...Sharing fearful visions seems weird, and I'm sure I'd not want to inflict my irrationality like that on someone I cared about.<br /><br />Holding privacy about your past is trickier. If a wife asked "Did you sleep with X before we were married?" you can reply "Do you really want to know?" At least the question will slow things down enough for you to decide what you're willing to share.Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-76463965178344245842019-05-18T11:57:55.829-07:002019-05-18T11:57:55.829-07:00The mistake was mine ... since corrected.The mistake was mine ... since corrected.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-6518553039256981112019-05-18T10:34:56.342-07:002019-05-18T10:34:56.342-07:00"A woman has married a man whose 38 year old ..."A woman has married a man whose 38 year old son does not know that he has a half-sibling. Before she married and had a child, she gave birth to another child and gave it up for adoption after five days. The son does not know. It is effectively none of the new wife’s business. She wants to tell the son because she believes that it will provide insight into why his mother was such an emotional wreck. Her husband, the boy’s father, does not want to tell." It took me a while to figure out that the new wife was not the mother of the half-sib. I was afraid I'd have to break down every sentence to figure this out.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-30006958512252012522019-05-18T10:02:23.832-07:002019-05-18T10:02:23.832-07:00I think it's a bad idea to tell someone about ...I think it's a bad idea to tell someone about death fantasies related to them. I optimistically think many therapists would advise against it. The least likely thing is for the fantasy-object to be very calm and supportive, proving their love. The most likely thing is that they will see a red flag and not like it. Keep it to yourself and figure out why you are so angry.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com