tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post4265665229626210073..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Random Acts of Gratuitous KindnessStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-44293524093867556822017-07-11T12:57:57.642-07:002017-07-11T12:57:57.642-07:00I recall a video about chains of "random acts...I recall a video about chains of "random acts of kindness" propagate from person to person. Here it is, from 6 years ago, starting with a skateboarder who falls down, and is helped, and then he helps an old woman with groceries cross the street, etc.<br />https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nwAYpLVyeFU Life Vest Inside - Kindness Boomerang - "One Day" <br /><br />The lesson I took from the video is in part about "attention", since you have to pay attention to your surroundings in order to see where you could offer someone help, while as often in public we're all in our little mental worlds, planning the next activity in our busy day, or even worse, on the phone talking to someone more important that the strangers around us, or even just staring at a smart phone screen at every spare moment.<br /><br />I might be tempted to agree with Shaun. I don't know about taking advantage of kindness, since that's sort of the point, but there's certainly no guarantee that self-absorbed receivers will ever see their unearned gifts from others, and think of their own to give back to the world, but maybe like any chain reaction, some actions will be duds, while others may propagate a millionfold, and you don't know which is which. And while Scrooges will always seem the most unlikely benefactors, people who are not even grateful for help now, they may someday change, and it might take thousands of such events to as Dostoevsky say "draw men's souls out of their solitude".<br /><br />But in defense of Shaun, what he's expressing it seems to me is the "zero sum game" where your gain is my loss, and it is true we all lose time when we give it to others, and we can all feel resentment when someone takes too much of our time, and project that they are unworthy of it. And "enabling" can be a part of it as well.<br /><br />Like I have an autistic friend who wanted rides to some weekly evening meetings, and knew he's on transit lines and he does use it, but I think he feels isolated on the bus/LRT because he looks different, and people don't like him, so when people give him car rides, he feels "cared for." But I don't live driving anyway, so I offered to bicycle to his house, and ride the bus/LRT with him a few times until he felt comfortable for the new route. He did turn me down, with some excuses, so I couldn't tell which ones were real. I expect eventually he found someone else to give him rides.<br /><br />Anyway, for me, I could see I value autonomy very highly, so I'd never set myself up in a situation where I was dependent upon rides, where someone else is going out of their way for me. But I do benefit by knowing there are people who would help me in an emergency situation. And I've thought about the idea of what we "owe" others, and that when someone helps us, we don't necessarily "owe" our benefactor, but we may also repay it to someone else in need, whether because our adult conscience demands some payback, or because we just find ourselves in a place of surplus with something to give back. <br /><br />So it opens us to pay attention to what we have to give. And yes, we still have to ask what we're enabling in our help, and we should use our best thought to what will help the most, like the teach a man to fish parable suggests.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-80851959874730303222017-07-11T12:28:39.773-07:002017-07-11T12:28:39.773-07:00I would like to state that one has to differentiat...I would like to state that one has to differentiate between kindness and enabling. I don't think many people can discern the difference.Shaun Fhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17425084501514329529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-80374789103825145642017-07-11T12:03:40.684-07:002017-07-11T12:03:40.684-07:00I'm sorry Stuart, I can't agree. I've...I'm sorry Stuart, I can't agree. I've been kind and people would always take advantage of my kindness. Give em an inch they take a mile. That doesn't mean I've stopped being kind - it just means I'm very particular where and with whom I invest it now.Shaun Fhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17425084501514329529noreply@blogger.com