tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post496911529996499055..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: Sheryl Sandberg's LamentStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-23257344335131822342016-09-30T11:04:52.857-07:002016-09-30T11:04:52.857-07:00I agree that pointing out potential biases by the ...I agree that pointing out potential biases by the person deciding is bad strategy, and it seems more likely to create resistance.<br /><br />"Deserved" is certainly a very problematic word. In most cases that it is used, it contains a sense of self-pity, if someone else doesn't agree with you, someone who has the power to override your desires.<br /><br />And what we "deserve" can be positive or negative. If you've been naughty, you "deserve" punishment, and the best way to punish someone is to convince them they deserve it, so they'll internalize your beliefs about them and punish themselves.<br /><br />And outside of that, in the the world of zero-sum competition the "most deserved" person doesn't always win. Rather as often, in competition, without objective standards for success, winning is a popularity contest where some will be popular for innate traits they may not even be aware of, whether a deep voice, or a shapely figure as the case may be, traits that attract attention without necessarily having any virtues beyond that.<br /><br />I suppose my own rule is to avoid zero-sum games, or at least ones where subjectivity determines the outcomes. In comparison a running race is objective, and I can put my pride on a good finishing time, whether that time is in the top-3 or last place, I can't control. I can choose to only compare myself to other runners my same age group, and I can also choose to compare my finish to my last race, and see if working harder produces better results. <br /><br />The other trick I remember is Woody Allen's quote "80% of success in life is about showing up" so if you put in the effort to a basic competency, eventually you'll get a break, and you might even get picked over "more deserving" competitors who got injured from overtraining or just had a bad day.<br /><br />Again, self-pity is the real enemy, and if you believe there is bias against you, and you are powerless to change it, that's going to create resentment. Undue assertiveness probably is bad strategy to get what you want, but it can feel temporarily satisfying and still might make for a better learning experience than trying to become a yes-man or yes-woman who cowtows to a higher person's ego and vanity in hopes of reward someday.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-20223895469900738412016-09-30T08:11:13.179-07:002016-09-30T08:11:13.179-07:00"As a tactic, leaning in is bad for women. It..."As a tactic, leaning in is bad for women. It is bad on the job and is bad in their private lives. Tell me why so many women think it’s such a good idea."<br /><br />Because Sandberg says so.Trigger Warningnoreply@blogger.com