tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post5027878771359557305..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: A Big Debate about Small TalkStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-20373376622626943362016-10-05T07:44:45.142-07:002016-10-05T07:44:45.142-07:00IAC,
It does seem that many people have lost sigh...IAC,<br /><br />It does seem that many people have lost sight of the good things in their life and life in general. One of those joys used to be "small talk," with the emphasis of small. It is how we became neighbors, acquaintances and saw other people as much like ourselves.Dennishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14962996070458991675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-61089124262834619962016-10-05T06:47:54.831-07:002016-10-05T06:47:54.831-07:00Dennis @October 5, 2016 at 5:50 AM:
You mean when...Dennis @October 5, 2016 at 5:50 AM:<br /><br />You mean when you say "How are you doing today?" you don't like hearing someone you've just met tell you about their marriage problems, STDs, astrological predictions or feelings about the situation in Tibet?<br /><br />I'm with ya, man. I think all these talk shows, reality TV programs and social media outlets have inoculated people to the idea of humility, modesty and even... shame. If you don't empathize with their lifestyle and celebrate their choices, you're a louse, jerk or bigot.<br /><br />It's exhausting.Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18222603717128565302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-27596704020042245032016-10-05T05:50:46.246-07:002016-10-05T05:50:46.246-07:00IAC,
I have almost given up asking "How are ...IAC,<br /><br />I have almost given up asking "How are you doing today?" or a similar opening to conversation like "Good Morning". Like your insights as I have noticed the same or somewhat familiar things.Dennishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14962996070458991675noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-59427048798057086652016-10-05T04:02:55.088-07:002016-10-05T04:02:55.088-07:00Any bets that Ariely and Berman aren't very go...Any bets that Ariely and Berman aren't very good at small talk?<br /><br />So many "studies" purport to uncover amazing insights which really reflect the biases of the hypothesists.<br /><br />Small talk is an effort to connect, not confide. Intimacy is valued because it is rare. People who have lots of acquaintances, but few intimate relationships, tend to be superficial. People who have few intimate relationships, but few/no acquaintances, tend to be insufferable... believing every interaction an opportunity to bear their souls and discover a new bosom friend. Like the people who constantly bear their souls to the world, they have a tendency to vomit their emotions. This is why I refer to Facebook as "The Vomitorium."<br /><br />I'm sure Heidegger was an insufferable acquaintance, friend, colleague or interlocutor. He was more likely a pedantic blabbermouth.Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18222603717128565302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-83645936790890953062016-10-04T08:53:46.114-07:002016-10-04T08:53:46.114-07:00Perhaps Ariely and Berman are practicing Trump'...Perhaps Ariely and Berman are practicing Trump's "Truthful hyperbole?"<br /><br />At least we know internet articles need provocative titles like "Small talk should be banned - here's why" to convince people to read the article, even if it doesn't fully mean what it suggests. They can't really mean all situations, but more situations where people want to challenge themselves and challenge others.<br /><br />Small talk is "safe", and when you don't care to feel safe, you are willing to take chances, and fail, and learn something new. <br /><br />Or like if you have 50 job interviews planned, you can plan to fail at 95% of them and try out different approaches and not care what people think of you but evaluate after each attempt.<br /><br />But if your lack of tact is building up a bad reputation, as someone who exposes too much (TMI), or asks sensitive questions that people are not ready to answer, there may be costs to such experimentation.<br /><br />Still perhaps the value of more practice is being able to converse comfortably in a wide range of topics, and the more you practice, the better you'll do? And perhaps people do get "stuck" on certain safe topics like the weather, and your exploring will identify other "safe" and novel topics to keep people entertained.<br /><br />You never know but you have to risk failure to find out. (And sometimes you'll never find out how you failed, if you were offensive, unless you're close enough to people to be able to ask, and say you'd like an honest answer.)<br /><br />Toastmasters for example has "Tabletopics" time where each person is required to speak 1-2 minutes on a topic without any foreknowledge, so a it is a sort of monologue, but chance to go beyond small talk, and you can learn how to think on your feet, especially if you're in a safe place where "failure" is okay.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com