tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post585565174018884183..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: How You Feel About Yourself or How You Look to OthersStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-59708181247279075362015-02-27T18:29:34.889-08:002015-02-27T18:29:34.889-08:00As anyone who works in the service industry will t...As anyone who works in the service industry will tell you, how you feel about yourself rapidly becomes irrelevant. If I don't project a positive image across the desk - regardless of how I feel about myself - I'm not going to get many clients and a pink slip will e coming my way soon. And with good reason. My employer expects me to do the job for which I was hired, which means I need the expertise the job demands and the social skills to sell said expertise.<br /><br />Bottom line: get over yourself, snowflake. Develop some decent social skills, as well as some marketable talent, and go out into the real world and - finally - earn enough to keep yourself without recourse to family and friends. Then, and only then, will I listen to you.Francesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-75772735667961420612015-02-24T15:46:34.216-08:002015-02-24T15:46:34.216-08:00Oh, I feel a need to backtrack on my assertion of ...Oh, I feel a need to backtrack on my assertion of differentiating between how people see you (as you are) versus how people see you (as a projection).<br /><br />For instance a father will realize he is a person, but he is also a projection of a person (a father), and that role serves a purpose outside of who he is as a person.<br /><br />So if you know you exist "as a projection" that can be troubling to someone who wants to "just be themselves", but if you accept that reality then you can realize you can be a "positive projection" or a "negative projection", that is your actions can demonstrate good character or bad character, somewhat independent to whatever you consider your inner character (if such a thing even exists?!)<br /><br />So I guess all I can say about this is that (1) We are not our roles (2) Our roles determine how we can serve other people.<br /><br />So the goal in being social creatures is to be able to see these distinctions, and "project" what is the best in us, "project" what is needed in a given situation, while acknowledging that isn't "you" but merely a useful persona that allows you to act in the world.<br /><br />Anyway, so the purpose of feedback from others helps us see how the roles we're playing are working or not working, and at least at that level, we don't have to take ANYTHING personally, since its just a role, and we're trying to make it work for us and everyone around us.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-51507951876079287332015-02-24T14:39:00.655-08:002015-02-24T14:39:00.655-08:00Obviously both are important.
Other people see a...Obviously both are important. <br /><br />Other people see a side of yourself that you don't see directly, but they also see their own projections that have nothing to do with you, so you have to be careful of letting anyone's opinions define who you are.<br /><br />This issue is why I go to E.F. Schumacher and his 4 fields of knowledge, where we have direct access to 2 fields, and indirect access to the other 2, including field-3 "How other people see us."<br />https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Guide_for_the_Perplexed#Four_fields_of_knowledge<br />------------------<br />Schumacher identifies four fields of knowledge for the individual:<br />1. I → inner<br />2. I → other persons (inner)<br />3. other persons → I<br />4. I → the world<br /><br />These four fields arise from combining two pairs: Myself and the World; and Outer Appearance and Inner Experience. He notes that humans only have direct access to fields 1 and 4.<br /><br />Field 1 is being aware of your feelings and thoughts and most closely correlates to self awareness. He argues this is fundamentally the study of attention. He differentiates between when your attention is captured by the item it focuses upon, which is when a human being functions much like a machine; and when a person consciously directs their attention according to their choosing. This for him is the difference between being lived and living.<br /><br />Field 2 is being aware of what other people are thinking and feeling. Schumacher observes that the traditional answer to the study of field 2 has been "You can understand others to the extent you understand yourself." Schumacher points out that this a logical development of the principle of adequateness, how can you understand someone's pain unless you too have experienced pain?<br /><br />Field 3 is understanding yourself as an objective phenomenon. Knowledge in field 3 requires you to be aware what other people think of you. <br /><br />Field 4 is the behaviourist study of the outside world. Science is highly active in this area of knowledge and many people believe it is the only field in which true knowledge can be gained. For Schumacher, applying the scientific approach is highly appropriate in this field.<br /><br />*Only when all four fields of knowledge are cultivated can you have true unity of knowledge. Instruments and methodologies of study should be only applied to the appropriate field they are designed for.<br />*Clarity of knowledge depends on relating the four fields of knowledge to the four levels of being.<br />*The instructional sciences should confine their remit to field 4, because it is only in the field of appearances that mathematical precision can be obtained. The descriptive sciences, however, are not behaving appropriately if they focus solely on appearances, and must delve in meaning and purpose or they will produce sterile results.<br />*Self-knowledge can only be effectively pursued by balanced study of field 1 (self awareness) and field 3 (objective self-knowledge).<br />*Study of field 2 (understanding other individuals) is dependent on first developing a powerful insight into field 1 (self awareness).<br />------------------Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.com