tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post760041550528764600..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: The Case of the Nagging GirlfriendStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-33576041944397368732018-11-21T14:01:18.809-08:002018-11-21T14:01:18.809-08:00Christopher B:
Amen to that. I will reiterate tha...Christopher B:<br /><br />Amen to that. I will reiterate that this is not the case in some foreign cultures, where men and women are allowed to act as inclined by nature, rather than being compelled by a restrictive ideal, thus warping relations between men and women.<br /><br />Portlandmermaid: Pretty good point. (from a fellow Portlander)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-44214685757697476632018-11-21T03:29:30.094-08:002018-11-21T03:29:30.094-08:00Anon, your second point is why I think we've s...Anon, your second point is why I think we've seen an explosion of people 'on the spectrum', as they say, in recent years. We've deemed both dramatically emotive and subtle nonverbal communication to be the norm, and anyone who finds those beyond their ability (or tolerance) is considered defective.Christopher Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00396671757183163171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-23031526577490683802018-11-20T16:53:40.581-08:002018-11-20T16:53:40.581-08:00This may come across as a cynical response.
Warni...This may come across as a cynical response.<br /><br />Warning sign #1: "I think we have a <i>healthy</i>, <i>caring</i>, and <i>respectful</i> relationship"<br /><br />The use of these buzzwords shows that she subscribes to pop culture for her thoughts. She is saying she is in conformance with a published code of some kind.<br /><br />Warning sign #2; "I am an expressive and emotional person who loves affection and attention ... he is a reserved person who is just not wired to be very demonstrative."<br /><br />This is a common mismatch. But for some reason popular culture teaches that the non-demonstrative person is the morally inferior. She appears to be relying on this. (By the way, other cultures do not expect men to be demonstrative. It is therefore not among the absolute virtues.)<br /><br />Warning sign #3: "I’ve also been dealing with feelings of <i>anxiety</i>, <i>loneliness</i>, and <i>depression</i>." These are also pop cultural-approved buzzwords, and <i> except of course for people with clinical levels of these conditions</i>, elevate distressing but otherwise normal feelings to a level that demands, and gets, unquestioned sympathy from others. She is blackmailing him with them. Further evidence for this is her request that he figure out for himself what to do.<br /><br />Well, we're all human and prone to make demands of those we are intimate with. Pop culture just makes that easier. But she would be better off shedding all this for a simpler approach: Good or bad aside, is he a good match for me? Then go no further in analysis. Avoid making judgements that will one way or the other fester into future "issues".Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-71061576297774521612018-11-20T14:26:05.247-08:002018-11-20T14:26:05.247-08:00This all is so one way. Does she even consider tha...This all is so one way. Does she even consider that she has traits that irritate her boyfriend? Maybe he thinks she can be exhausting to be around but accepts her anyway. He must or she would complain that he's insensitive.Portlandmermaidhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13362295950241379694noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-48992125044843383082018-11-20T06:15:01.013-08:002018-11-20T06:15:01.013-08:00From time to time you read a letter that feels lik...From time to time you read a letter that feels like an obvious fake. And yet, the people who write probably also read a lot of advice columns... and thus, have gotten the lingo down. I expect that the letters are also edited... for what it's worth. I don't really think that they are mentally unbalanced, but that they appear so because they are following the advice laid out by advice columnists. I cannot measure the influence columnists have, but at least Lori Gottlieb talks sense. Ask Polly does not. And of course, Miss Manners is consistently excellent... as was Emily Yoffe when she was writing for Slate.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-31623094633959549102018-11-20T06:04:19.235-08:002018-11-20T06:04:19.235-08:00What kind of person writes to an advice columnist?...What kind of person writes to an advice columnist? I assume they're all mentally unbalanced or the letters are fake. You're the expert I guess so what do you think?whitneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01339343160301118530noreply@blogger.com