tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post8328528750297817290..comments2024-03-29T04:06:37.402-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: StalemateStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-59732501309924843932010-07-18T08:13:14.877-07:002010-07-18T08:13:14.877-07:00I don't think we are seeing the situation very...I don't think we are seeing the situation very differently.<br /><br />If Rachel was basically too cool and detached, too unemotional, then the only place left for Belknap was to become too clingy and emotional.<br /><br />Thus, to maintain equilibrium in the relationship he took on the role that was left for him.<br /><br />Might he have been predisposed to be in that role? He may well have. <br /><br />But I am not quite ready to accept that a man who finds himself in this position has really been looking for it. He may have gotten together with a woman, only to find that she is no longer the woman she had been presenting herself as.Stuart Schneidermanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-35296647978028953592010-07-17T14:42:34.496-07:002010-07-17T14:42:34.496-07:00Better yet, Rachel's laugh tells us that she h...<b>Better yet, Rachel's laugh tells us that she had succeeded in blaming him for their stalemate. She had laid the groundwork for him to hate himself and had retained some of her own self-esteem... at his expense.</b><br /><br />An interesting commentary. I see it differently though. By his own admission, Belknap played it too needy, to clingy. Quote:<br /><br /><i>"..little by little I began to lose control. I called her house too frequently, to the point of pestering her roommates. When we were together I couldn’t tear myself away: I would suggest picking up food and eating it at her house so that we didn’t have to be apart. Eventually it became clear that she was indulging me to avoid confrontation before she left for the summer."</i><br /><br />When she finally urged him to be more manly, she confirms what he has already admitted. Or it could be she found him boring, and not at all the "badass" she once thought. I don't see this scenario so much Rachel's fault, but more Belknap. Before she met him he had a certain mystique. Rather than build on that, he became a clingy, cloying type. She got bored and bailed.<br /><br />Based on his own weaknesses, I can understand by Belknap would want to dabble in PUA which purports to teach such techniques as "distancing" oneself to maintain a certain mystique ,or control, and offers some degree of insight into the female psyche and means to manipulate the elements therein. SOme of the PUA persona and dogma is shallow, as is the exaggerated boasting and "alpha" posturing of some pUAs who, when their stories are analyzed, "doth protest too much" as to claimed successes, or claimed "independence", or claimed "hotties" bedded. The impression one gets is not of smooth success with actual good looking women, but bedding of a series of very ordinary or homely types, who are then inflated into something special by constant boastful repetition.<br /><br />I can see as you say Rachel trying to deflect any blame from herself as to the breakup. Sure. She would try to spin the story her way. But the fact that she gets away with it so easily speaks to Belknap's INITIAL weakness. He knows he has this ingrained weakness so that's why he seeks PUA help.Too Tall Jonesnoreply@blogger.com