tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post8765328134414088883..comments2024-03-26T06:17:49.527-07:00Comments on Had Enough Therapy?: The Soup of Female SentimentalityStuart Schneidermanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12784043736879991769noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-17196831612980866082016-02-29T09:14:21.581-08:002016-02-29T09:14:21.581-08:00I read her columns occasionally, but gave up on th...I read her columns occasionally, but gave up on them some time last year.Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-91592417103067810762016-02-28T23:15:35.688-08:002016-02-28T23:15:35.688-08:00Sex and the PitySex and the Pitypriss rulesnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-64621053827580206742016-02-28T19:17:34.859-08:002016-02-28T19:17:34.859-08:00Response 1: What is it exactly that you want me t...Response 1: What is it exactly that you want me to apologize for?<br />Response 2: You want to talk to me about something. Go ahead.<br /><br />Or am I being too direct? Is a male response pattern a problem?Sam L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00996809377798862214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-12895116061409991422016-02-28T16:44:40.148-08:002016-02-28T16:44:40.148-08:00It seems like the letter writer must have felt som...It seems like the letter writer must have felt some guilt at saying "these requests were ludicrous" and wanted an expert to validate her, so she could let go of that guilt.<br /><br />I don't know if the source of the requests is from Therapy, or perhaps self-help books on assertiveness?<br /><br />Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent communication makes a big deal about requests, and he also makes it clear, if you require a positive response, its not a request, but a demand, and even if someone complies you start down a path of resentment.<br /><br />One quote I liked from Marshall was that all personal communication could be reduced to two words "Please" and "Thank you".<br />---------<br />I'm going to show you a technology today which takes insults and criticisms out of the airwaves. With this technology, it will be impossible for you to hear criticisms, harsh remarks, or insults. All you can hear is what all people are ever saying, "please" and "thank you". What used to sound like criticism, judgment, or blame, you will see, are really tragic, suicidal expressions of "please". -- Marshall Rosenberg, The Basics of Nonviolent Communication<br />---------<br /><br />So someone says your request is "ludicrous", you could take that personally, and feel humiliated at the rejection, and if you're really sensitive, go back to "never asking anyone for anything" for another 5 years, to avoid such rejection.<br /><br />Or if the speakers knew of NVC, they'd hear a "Please" in the judgement, and accept it was nothing personal, just didn't make sense.<br /><br />It also reminds me of a guy who spent a year making outrageous requests of strangers, so he could get used to hearing "no" and not take it personally, but in the process he also discovered many people with generous hearts did say yes, and cooperated with his requests, and that touched him.<br /><br />If you looked deeper, below conscious awareness, you might find the letter writer feels resentment somewhere in her life, and doesn't feel "safe" to request what she wants, or thinks she wants from others. So she's decided she has to be strong, and not ask for what she wants. So when she finds someone who asks for something really simple, but also silly, it offends that part of herself that protects her from asking for what she might want.<br /><br />At least that's as interesting of a question as judging who is sentimental.<br />Ares Olympushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09726811306826601686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8078379512095504946.post-79248833334137908282016-02-28T08:12:23.946-08:002016-02-28T08:12:23.946-08:00So these friends may have been saying "Please...So these friends may have been saying "Please understand me." So what? The letter writer thought it was ridiculous. Buck up, camper! You'll be okay! If they can't get that -- as a stand for their inner strength -- it's time to make some new friends. But daytime TV audiences everywhere will deem this "mean," and fall all over themselves in phony empathy and condemn the evil one who doesn't want to play this juvenile game. And that's where we are. Sigh. Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCDhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18222603717128565302noreply@blogger.com