Thanks largely to Freud most of us believe that self-control
is a form of repression. Nowadays, people call it self-denial.
Freud’s view was not science and it wasn't true, but it’s a nice image: you
bottle up your feelings until one day, like compressed gas, they explode.
Of course, Freud also believed in delayed gratification. His
view was Stoic, even ascetic. At best, he was suggesting that if you renounce
immediate gratification you will achieve satisfaction—i.e., an eternal reward--
at some point in the future.
Freud was rejecting the idea that self-control could be satisfying in
and of itself. He saw it as a necessary evil, not as a positive achievement, to
be encouraged.
According to a study performed by University of Chicago
researcher Wilhelm Hofmann, individuals who exercised more self-control were
happier in the short term as well as in the long term. Specifically, he asked
people whether they had or had not acted on their desires.
The Atlantic summarized the results:
The
more self-control people reported having, the more satisfied they reported
being with their lives. And contrary to what the researchers were expecting,
people with more self-control were also more likely to be happy in the
short-term. In fact, when they further analyzed the data, they found that such
people's increased happiness to a large extent accounted for the increased life
satisfaction.
Also:
As they
go about their daily lives, people with a lot of self-control appear to
generally be in higher spirits; in the long run, they're happier with their
lives. To explain why this would be so, the researchers conducted another
online survey. What they figured out is that instead of constantly denying
themselves, people high in self-control are simply less likely to find
themselves in situations where that's even an issue. They don't waste time
fighting inner battles over whether or not to eat a second piece of cake.
They're above such petty temptations. And that, it would seem, makes them
happier ... if still just a little bit sad.
Of course, it all depends on how you define happiness. If
you see it, as Freud did, modeled on the most extreme form of
instinctual gratification, you will continue to disparage self-control.
More interesting here is the note on temptation. Apparently,
once you have learned the habit of self-control—by practicing it, of course—you
will find yourself less susceptible to temptation. You will find that you will
not feel as tempted to eat or drink or do anything else in excess. And you will
be so contented with your life that you will no longer believe that extreme gratification
will bring happiness.
And the Egyptian regime changes.
ReplyDeleteAnd on to the next round.
A woman says to her daughter: You eat and eat and eat and don't stop! You have no self-control.
ReplyDeleteThe daughter internalizes this message: I eat and eat and eat and don't stop! I have no self-control.
There is an obscure line in the Bible. "A blow from a whip raises a welt. But a blow from the tongue smashes bones."
I will wager most people who lack self-control had their bones smashed by adults who lack control over their tongues. Freud was one of these children who had his bones smashed in my opinion.
when I was in 5th grade in.... 1965 (?) the only male teacher we had (math) administered a punishment/detention lunchtime system known as "The 5, 5, and 5." We already knew about this in 4th grade. As much as I thought I would escape this... I didn't. So... "The 5, 5 and 5" was a matter of writing 5 words, 5 times, for 5 days on the blackboard of the room, and then it was back to your seat for the rest of the lunchtime detention. Each word had been selected to provide we miscreants with something to meditate on as we watched our brethren outside the windows playing.... One of those words was Self Control. And I have to admit.... you did end up thinking about them, because, afterall... here I am writing about it.
ReplyDeleteSelf control is nothing more than self discipline. It is controlling one's feelings and compassions and using the power of one's logical, rational mind.
ReplyDeleteWhen one gets mad they stop thinking, fail to see the real problem, if it does exist or has importance, and take actions that are almost always wrong. One allows others and outside influences to control them.
Self control and self discipline is the key to success in almost every endeavor or challenge that one faces in life. It is about developing those good habits that will take over when one is under pressure or the world seems, emphasis on seems, to be giving one the back of its hand so to speak. The constant repetition of those good habits every day will ingrain them and make life so much easier to deal with and improves your understanding that one has the ability to succeed.
It stands to reason that people who exhibit self control, self discipline, will be happier.
One of the things I enjoyed about studying martial arts was not only the physical discipline, but also the mental discipline and philosophy. The major steps were; #1-AVOIDENCE, which is about 90 percent of most things, stop, hurt, maim and then kill. NOTE; real damage is way down the list. It is the essence of self discipline.
There are things and people who are going to make us mad, but self control will give one the wherewithal to see the real problem and just maybe a way to solve or to greatly ameliorate it.
Responsibility, self control and self discipline, what great words to live by.
There is quite possibly a casual link between this post and the larger story of fatherless families through divorce or a mother's choice.
ReplyDeletePsychologist Warren Farrell, a former NOW board member who left when NOW fought with him for supporting men as well as women, has written and spoken about the critical role fathers play in delayed gratification:
“Fathers also play a huge role in teaching delayed gratification, the single most important highway to maturity. When children are allowed to do something without having to do anything to get there it undermines this process.”
Hi Dennis,
ReplyDeleteSelf control isn't about controlling your emotions, self control is about controlling your behavior despite your emotions. I can feel any emotion I want - how I behave while feeling that emotion is the measure of my self control.
Happy 4th!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteTip/Anon,
ReplyDeleteHappy 4th to you and all those that you care about.
Happy 4th of July to you, too, Dennis.
ReplyDeleteI exercised the maximum powers of self-control yesterday crossing the Lewiston-Queenstown bridge from New York into Canada. 85 minutes. I hate waiting in line. I don't think I would've been a model Soviet citizen.
Tip