In her video this week, Emily Yoffe fields a question from a
man who asked his girlfriend how many previous sexual partners she had had. That is, he asked her to tell him her number. To
his chagrin, the girlfriend answered the question, more or less truthfully.
The man then did some sleuthing of his own and made some
extra discoveries that have severely inhibited his ability to express his
sexual desires.
Yoffe’s response is an instant classic:
If I were this guy's buddy I would send him to read Free Northerner's post on damaged goods. There he'll get context as well as advice:
ReplyDeletehttp://freenortherner.wordpress.com/2013/08/16/the-archetypal-modern-woman/
I'd also give him a kick in the butt. Snooping emails is a chicklet thing to do.
It's probably just as well that they're breaking up. Sluts and former sluts make poor wives.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you deny that, you deny science. See: http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2003.00444.x/abstract
I'd say that the risk of divorce and the pain it can cause justify that kind of snooping. If he finds out the nasty stuff now, well, better now than when he catches her with one of her own flames in flagrante delicto in the bed he bought for their marriage.
As Sidney Poitier said in "To Sir, With Love", "No man likes a slut for long and only the worst type marries one."
Don't be that worst type. Find a better woman.
Stuart, could you post the www addy for the video. It seems to not want to appear to Canadians.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.slate.com/articles/video/dear_prudence/2013/08/dear_prudence_video_uneven_sexual_ledger.html
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why people do this.
ReplyDeleteToday is what is. Yesterday is what was. Yesterday did not include you, today does.
If you want tomorrow to include you, look to tomorrow, not yesterday.
One should not expect any more out of another person than what they have experienced themselves. That being stated, both male or female partners, the more one has a larger number of sexual partners the more likely one is to not be capable of sexual exclusivity that is part of most marriages.
ReplyDeleteThe mere fact that one wanted to know about this already denotes a lack of trust that is now extant in his mind and will NOT go away. The mind is a very powerful part of one's body and does NOT forget a thing that has become part of its resource and experiences. It also has the ability to replay all of this at the most inopportune time. Living for the future is fine if one's mind will allow it, but seldom does one have that kind of control over it.
Marriage has enough challenges to deal with without adding this kind of problem. The world is filled with women who will be a better match without allowing one's self to be overpowered by lust.
Here I speak from experience. My son, even though he has two older sisters, has a propensity for what I call "wounded doves." These "wounded doves" come with a set of problems that just don't go away.
ReplyDeleteThe last one involved 3 children. They did try to end the marriage, but the lawyers were just taking them for all the money they could get. They finally agreed to stay married, in name only. She lives in her apartment and he lives in his home and they share taking care of the children.
Just got back from visiting them and I can see the underlying anger in them when they are together. How this is going to affect the children is going to be interesting.
Think about what the future may be considering all that is going to affect a marriage.