The Case of the Indecent Girlfriend

Today Carolyn Hax faces a letter writer whose girlfriend sounds like an utterly appalling human being. Happily for all of us, Hax declares that said girlfriend is an utterly appalling human being. We might ask how the letter writer failed to notice this, but, until now, he did not.

He calls himself “Torn” and recounts his tale of woe:

This week, a co-worker died in a motorcycle accident. I didn’t know her well, but she was very well connected and her death directly impacts many people in our office. I wanted to go to the funeral to show my support for the family. The victim’s brother works in our warehouse, and I see him frequently.

When I told my girlfriend I was going to attend the funeral, she did not understand why and was even offended that I would even consider attending. She tragically lost her mother five years ago. I lost my aunt three years ago, also very tragically, and a childhood friend this year to what seemed to be an opioid overdose. My girlfriend compared the death to these and is critical of the fact that I would consider this death tragic in any way when people die all the time and it’s a fact of life. In her opinion it’s insulting to attend this person’s funeral because I did not have a personal connection with the victim.

My moral compass (and the consensus of my co-workers) is telling me I should be there. My girlfriend is highly offended that I would consider, and I am torn between attending the memorial and offending my girlfriend. What do I do?

How is it possible, you ask yourself, that he does not know what to do? How is it possible that he feels constrained to ask a newspaper gossip columnist? Is "Torn" just a pseudonym for Pajama Boy?

Hax responds:

Check your girlfriend’s brain for loose hardware?...

I also feel compelled to type out loud that I find it bizarre and surreal that anyone would require you to justify your impulse to be there, and that you’d actually comply. Funerals honor the dead but also comfort the living, so it’s perfectly customary to go to a funeral when you know the survivors better than you know the deceased. Yet she is “highly offended” that you would make this extremely common, utterly unexotic gesture of decency and goodwill?

To quote my then-toddler: What the fox?

I am not sure whether we should call this a modern relationship or whether we should simply say that these two people deserve each other. Obviously, the relationship is in trouble and “Torn” should exit it as soon as possible.

Personally, I like the toddlerspeak reaction:

What the fox?