Oxford Bans the Clap

In what we hope will be a terminal spasm of wokeness, Oxford University has banned the clap. Keep in mind, this is not some rinky dink college in West Podunk, USA. Oxford is the highest rated academic institution in the world. I don’t recall who decided it, but decide it they did.

Fair enough, it did not ban the clap, as the illness is known in the vernacular. They would not want to inhibit anyone’s sexual expression.

It banned clapping, thus applause at commencement ceremonies because… you guessed it… it would exclude the hearing impaired. And besides, some of the graduates might be suffering from an anxiety disorder. You know, the kind that is triggered by any loud noise. Why it does not ban spoken language, rock music and urban construction noise, I do not know.

The New York Post has the story:

The University of Oxford has voted to nix clapping in favor of “silent jazz hands” at their future commencement ceremonies to show solidarity with the hearing-impaired.

“Loud noises, including whooping and traditional applause, are argued to present an access issue for some disabled students who have anxiety disorders, sensory sensitivity and/or those who use hearing impairment aids,” the UK student council representatives wrote in a statement on Oct. 23.

The preferred ovation — silent jazz hands — is the British Sign Language translation for clapping.

In their statement, the reps also wrote that they hope to “encourage” jazz hands in lieu of clapping, though it is not against the rules to clap.

Amazingly, these dour academic deans do not have enough of a sense of humor to understand how ridiculous this is. And how ridiculous they look. Besides, you know and I know that at the next commencement the assembled graduates will whoop and holler, the better to show that they learned something in university.

Of course, British humor being what it is, some wags have offered comic commentary on the idiocy:

“Can we [simplify] things and get a list of things that aren’t triggers for these low wattage daffodils?” said one dissenter on Twitter. “Is there anything left that isn’t triggering or otherwise offensive?”

“Thank god for Cambridge,” quipped another.

The last word belongs to this conscientious objector:

However, one objector to Oxford’s mandate did raise an interesting point on Twitter: “But what about those people who are visually impaired?”