Not So Free to Choose

This letter, written to the Washington Post’s Carolyn Hax some fourteen years ago offers a glimpse into the ugly side of contemporary culture. 

While feminists never cease intoning their mantra about being free to choose, one thing that will not allow a woman to choose freely-- is to marry young.

We might argue the merits of marrying young against the merits of marrying when a woman is in her late thirties, and we would note that it is easier to marry young, to conceive young, to care for children young than it is to try to find a suitable husband when one is pushing forty.

So, the important part of this letter is the pressure that the women in this young woman’s family are putting on her because she wants to marry young. Dare I say that more than a few women in her position have called it all off or have simply refused to get involved in anything like a committed relationship at the ripe young age of 22.

Here is the letter:

I recently graduated summa cum laude with a bachelor’s degree. This summer I turn 22, this fall I’m starting an accelerated dual master’s degree program, and I’m marrying the love of my life. We’ve been together four years. He is 26, a college graduate and makes a nice living as an engineer. In fact, he already bought us a house.

The response I hear when people see my ring is: “You’re waaay too young to think about that”; “I wish I never … "; “Statistics show people who marry young divorce in a couple of years.” I ask people what age they think I should get married, and I mention our degrees and that we already have a nice house. They scoff. I’ve even tried saying he makes me incredibly happy and isn’t that enough? Their response: “You’re too young to know what makes you happy.” I hear this at least once a day from someone.

My aunts and cousins also know we decided to abstain until marriage, and they bring that up constantly as well. “Now you’re going to have horrible sex your whole life”; “The wedding night is going to be terrible.” 

When I broke down crying after being attacked by six aunts at once, my best friend said, “If it upsets you so much, maybe you’re not ready.” But I am ready, and why can’t people mind their own business?

— 21-Year-Old Virgin

Of course, Hax sides with the young virgin, but the important point of this letter is the way this woman has been assaulted and harassed by women in her family, all of whom, dare I say it, have suffered the influence of feminism. So much for free to choose her own path in life.