Crispin's Case, Part II

Herewith, a continuation of Crispin’s case, begun last Friday.

So Crispin did as Ernestine suggested. He felt marginally better and could now function at work. His company was planning a series of new toys and Crispin engaged in the design and production. 

And yet, as the days went by, he still heard no response from Pansy. He had hoped that Ernestine’s tactic would produce an immediate return to the good old days. He began to feel dread and could not understand how this woman, who had made him central to her life, could cut him off so completely. 

Ernestine decided to emphasize the appalling behavior that had produced the current impasse. Often enough, women who forgive such aggression live to regret it. There is no guarantee that the situation will not repeat itself. And besides, the threat did not disappear with the flowers.

Crispin became persuaded that he really loved Pansy and that getting her back would spell the difference between happiness and misery. 

And then, looming over it all was the question of humiliation. The two lovers had been together for years. They had many friends in common; they knew each other’s families. When he attended social functions, someone would always ask where Pansy was. Tristan was capable of explaining that they had separated, but he surely did not want to be known as a woman beater. What would happen to his reputation if his friends found out. And if Pansy’s parents, if they knew, might oppose any potential marriage.

The best he could do was to avoid anyone who would have had direct contact with Pansy. Yet, he could detect in certain people a subtle distancing, as though he were not quite clean.

One needs to mention that Crispin developed the belief that if Pansy returned to his home and hearth, this act would make it appear that he had not done anything very wrong. It was not just about true love. It was about reputation rescue.

For the moment, Ernestine did not want Crispin to feel alone and isolated. She spent some considerable time encouraging him to spend time with friends, especially with male friends, and to attempt to connect with other people.

Then, on a Monday morning of the third week of counseling, Ernestine received an urgent message from Crispin on her voice mail. He had to see her right away; something had happened that could not wait for Tuesday. So she gave him her lunch hour, only to see Crispin meander into her consulting room and drop in the easy chair. He handed her a crumpled note. 

It read: “Thanks for the flowers. I accept your apology, and for me things are best as they are. Pansy.” Crispin declared that the note meant that they were done, over, forever, and that he would never get her back.

Ernestine was none too happy about this turn of events. After all, she bore some responsibility for Crispin’s apology letter. To Crispin, he had not worked. For Ernestine, things were not quite so clear.

Crispin did recall that Ernestine told him that the apology and flowers were not designed to bring Pansy back. They were designed to give Crispin a way to become part of the game. So, she was heartened when he asked her: “OK, what’s my next move?”

Compared to the dire urgency of the morning voice mail, Crispin’s tone was far more benign. He had processed the information and had chosen not to panic.

For her part Ernestine did not believe that it was a good idea to persist. She explained that sometimes the best move is to concede. 

Crispin ignored this advice and started asking for an interpretation of the note. To which Ernestine explained that the note could mean a lot of things. It might mean that Pansy needs time; it might mean that she is changing her life, without you. She added that for the present it was a good idea to take her at her word.

Ernestine believed that Crispin would profit more from resigning his position than by playing it out to the bitter end-- and the risk of provoking more conflict. Still, Crispin thought that Pansy was bluffing. Besides, the added humiliation of seeing Pansy navigating the New York social whirl on Blake’s arm did not make him feel especially manly.

Three weeks passed with no further word from Crispin’s erstwhile love. With Ernestine’s help he managed to put as good a face as possible on it. With an air of resignation he admitted to those closest to him that some things were simply not meant to be. And he did not blame Pansy. As Ernestine explained: “A gentleman is a man of honor. He does not blame the other person. He admits the error of his words and becomes resolute in his determination not to let it happen again.”

This meant that the best move was no move. Ernestine believed that Crispin should move on and start a new relationship, but he was hardly willing to give up Pansy.

Ernestine half expected the next twist in the story, but she could not even admit it to herself. Every morning before work Crispin had made it a habit to have breakfast at the Five Star Coffee Shop, a simple establishment near his home. There he would spread out the Wall Street Journal  and pick through a bowl of Wheaties. Any morning would find him hunched over his newspaper at the same coffee shop. 

One day two months after he received Pansy’s farewell note, he was absorbed in the Journal when he sensed that another person had sat down in his booth. Abruptly he glanced up and what he saw caused him to drop a spoonful of Wheaties all over the day’s editorials.

There, facing him with a grim and determined look, was Pansy. At first he was speechless and not a little embarrassed by his clumsiness. Pansy spoke first: “You looked so sad.” Crispin had not been aware that he looked sad, but with these words, tears welled up in his eyes and quickly ran down his face. He tried to compose himself but he could barely offer a greeting. He asked: “What are you doing here?” He was about to confront her by asking what she could possibly want from him, but he choked on the words. 

Pansy continued: “I just wanted to see how you were doing. I was worried about you, strange as that may seem.” To which Crispin offered the most perfunctory remark: “I am very well, thank you. We’re launching a new toy, Oppie the Opossum, next week.”

He wanted to maintain some distance from Pansy, but he also wanted to reach out and grab her. He asked her where she was living and how she was doing. She said that she was doing well, observing severe formality.

“But, I have to run. I just wanted to know how you were OK.” As she was getting up, Crispin managed to blurt out: “Can I see you again?” She replied: “I don’t know.” He pressed on: “Maybe breakfast next week, same time and same place.” Pansy looked at him and barely uttered the word: “Maybe.” As she rushed out of the door she did not look back at him.

As Crispin recounted in detail the surprise encounter to Ernestine that afternoon, she was almost as shocked as he was. Giving thanks for small favors she was pleased that he had not created a scene and complimented him on the way he handled what must surely have been a trying encounter. When he started to criticize himself for being overly emotional, she stopped him and said that his was the correct response. She continued that “maybe” was a good sign, meaning that he handled himself well enough. She added that he should not feel overly optimistic. Pansy might just be looking for closure. 

Crispin was energized about coaching. He spent the next week preparing for the “maybe” date with Pansy, running through scenarios, rehearsing how he would deal with them. Even though he had told Ernestine that he accepted that the relationship was over, it was clear that he wanted her back again.

Ernestine counseled caution. She suggested that Crispin assume that nothing has changed, but that Pansy simply wanted to tie up loose ends. She recommended that he try to limit any conversation to a friendly chat. To which Crispin replied that he did not like her advice. He wanted to get her back, not to coddle her with superficial banalities.

She replied that he was playing with a weak hand. She did not want him to expose his cards too quickly. She did not want him to be overbearing, lest Pansy simply flee. 

If she had to interpret Pansy’s actions, in the most favorable light, she would say that since Pansy had spent years loving him, she might want to make absolutely sure that she had made the right decision in leaving him. 

So Ernestine recommended that he try everydayness, that he keep his feelings to himself and that he try to show that he is not the man who hit her. 

To which Crispin asked: “What if she wants to discuss what happened?”

Ernestine answered that he had already addressed the issue with his apology. He needed to be consistent, and to reaffirm his willingness to take full responsibility for what he did. She continued that he should not only show self-discipline over breakfast, but that he should engage in a conversation, about nothing in particular. He should not try to control the conversation and should not ask any probing questions about her current situation.

In short, she was recommending that he dial down the passion and attempt to get along with Pansy. It was easier said than done, and Crispin was not sure that he could do so.

To be continued.

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