Thursday, March 24, 2011

"The Secret to a Long Marriage"

I have a column up at the Your Tango site. My topic: The Secret to a Long Marriage. Link here.


Dennis said...

I don't think that anyone has the secrets of a long marriage because we are, in many cases, very different people. There are ideas and questions that both partners have to ask themselves.
The first is who am I and what are the principles and ideas that I hold dear.
The second follows from the first. How many things do we do as people are worth having an argument about. When one begin to analyze this one begins to recognize that the vast majority of fights are over very inconsequential things. Knowing that will help both of you to find common ground.
One has to know when to hold, know when to fold them and know when to walk away. A little time will do wonder for thinking about what really matters.
Recognize that each of you bring strengths and weaknesses to a marriage. Build on those strengths and utilize them so as to build synergy in your decisions and actions. One would be surprised at how easy this makes a lot of challenges that a family has to face.
Recognize that one is going to fall in love and out of love many times. Lets face it we all have little idiosyncrasies that will bother each of us. One has to recognize that love does not create perfection in the people we care about. You would be surprised by what a small thing like the toss of your mates head, the movement of their body in motion or a thousand little things that attracted you to her/him in the first place will do to rekindle love because it is there underlying most of those things that happen in ones life.
Life throws each of us a great amount of challenges so recognize them when each of you are going through them. When possible never allow your children to play each of you. They learn very quickly what your "red flags" are and how to use them.
When one starts to stray, which is going to happen to the best of marriages, start visualizing what living with this other person is going to be like. Both of you create a facade that is used outside the home so recognize it. This one has saved me a few times.
If you both recognize that each has to give respect, understanding and responsibility to get it a lot of things that seem important will fade away.
Just a few thoughts from a guy who has been married to the same woman for almost 50 years.

Stuart Schneiderman said...

Thanks for giving us the benefit of your earned wisdom, Dennis.

Sabina said...

Very useful material, thank you for the article.