Saturday, August 18, 2018

Defending Rape Culture

The war against rape culture proceeds apace. The war against toxic masculinity and white privilege gathers steam. After all, toxic white males are the problem. They are all actual or potential rapists. We need to shut them down, and especially to shut down the patriarchy that they have created.

As you know the patriarchy created by toxic white males oppresses the weak and vulnerable,whether the proletariat or white women. It’s all an institutionalized rape culture.

Looking for allies in the fight against toxic white masculinity, serious leftists have happily embraced Muslim radicals. They refuse to speak ill of Islam, and especially of Islamist radicals. The Obama administration seemed to be operating under blasphemy laws… when it came to radical Islam. It was fight racist Islamophobia… the kind that is practiced by toxic white males.

This requires some serious intellectual contortions. In the interest of advancing the revolution, the Western left, included but not limited to radical feminists, has forced itself into an alliance with Muslim radicals. And it has forced itself to ignore Muslim men who have brought their own rape culture to Europe. In England, over a thousand girls were raped and sex trafficked by Muslim men. The authorities knew about it, but refused to intervene, lest they be accused of being racists.

I have often called this human sacrifice on the altar of multiculturalism. I stand by my characterization.

Today, Raymond Ibrahim documents Muslim rape culture. Islam does not promote rape culture indiscriminately, but only when Muslims prey on white women. Muslim men raping white women… in Once-Great Britain, in Germany and in Sweden… among other places. Ibrahim explains that it’s not an accident. It is intrinsic to the Muslim religion:

What explains the ongoing victimization of European women by Muslim men -- which exists well beyond the UK, and has become epidemic in Germany, Sweden, and elsewhere?

While these sordid accounts are routinely dismissed as the activities of “criminals,” they are in fact reflective of nearly fourteen centuries of Muslim views on and treatment of European women. Nothing in Kate’s account -- not even the otherwise extreme aspect of taking her to Morocco to be a sex slave -- has not happened countless times over the centuries.

Where did it come from? Why, it came to us from the prophet Muhammed:

This, as all things Islamic, traces back to their prophet, Muhammad. In order to entice his men to war against the Byzantines -- who, as the Arabs’ nearest European neighbors came to represent “white” people -- Muhammad told them they would be able to sexually enslave the “yellow” women (an apparent reference to their hair color).

For over a millennium after Muhammad, jihadi leaders -- Arabs, Berbers, Turks, Tatars -- also coaxed their men to jihad on Europe by citing (and later sexually enslaving) its fair women, as copiously documented in Sword and Scimitar: Fourteen Centuries of War between Islam and the West. For one example, prior to invading Spain, jihadi hero Tarek bin Ziyad enticed his men by saying: “You must have heard numerous accounts of this island, you must know how the Grecian maidens, as beautiful as houris [sexual superwomen are awaiting your arrival, reclining on soft couches in the sumptuous palaces of crowned lords and princes.”

That the sexual enslavement of fair women was an aspect that always fueled the jihad is evident in other ways. Thus, for M.A. Khan, a former Muslim author, it is “impossible to disconnect Islam from the Viking slave-trade, because the supply was absolutely meant for meeting [the] Islamic world’s unceasing demand for the prized white slaves” and for “white sex-slaves.”

It might be hard to believe, but jihad, in Islam, means conquering infidels and forcing them to submit to Allah. In order to motivate men to invade European countries, Muslim leaders have promised them white women, preferably blond women as sex slaves:

According to the conservative estimate of American professor Robert Davis: “[B]etween 1530 and 1780 [alone] there were almost certainly a million and quite possibly as many as a million and a quarter white, European Christians enslaved by the Muslims of the Barbary Coast,” of which Morocco was one. Women slaves -- and not a few men and boys -- were almost always sexually abused. With countless European women selling for the price of an onion, little wonder by the late 1700s, European observers noted how “the inhabitants of Algiers have a rather white complexion.”

Sex slavery has a long and gruesome history in Islam. How many feminists are up in arms about these practices?

It was the same elsewhere. The slave markets of the Ottoman sultanate were for centuries so inundated with European flesh that children sold for pennies, “a very beautiful slave woman was exchanged for a pair of boots, and four Serbian slaves were traded for a horse.” In Crimea -- where some three million Slavs were enslaved by the Ottomans’ Muslim allies, the Tatars -- an eyewitness described how Christian men were castrated and savagely tortured (including by gouging their eyes out), whereas “[t]he youngest women are kept for wanton pleasures.”

Now Let's Threaten the Judge and Jurors

The media believes that right wing extremists endanger the nation. It holds, as an article of faith, that right wing extremists are trying to shut down free and open debate. And it certainly promotes the notion that the Trump administration, along with the Republican Party threatens America’s sacrosanct democracy and its democratic norms.


Of course, it wasn’t a right wing extremist who opened fire on a softball game in Washington, severely injuring Rep. Steve Scalise. It wasn’t a right wing extremist who assaulted Sen. Rand Paul in his yard. And it wasn’t right wing extremists who assault Republicans in restaurants.

Has it ever happened that a band of Republicans has joined together to harass a Democrat over dinner?


By now, we all know that the anti-fascist left, symbolized by Antifa radicals, happily resort to violence in order to get their way. When they do, the mainstream media ignores it. The media has thus joined the Resistance. In complete defiance of democratic norms.


Naturally, the media and the radical left blame it on Donald Trump. After all, Trump did use intemperate rhetoric during the presidential campaign. And yet, if such rhetoric is so terrible, why does the radical left indulge in precisely the behaviors that it says it abhors: threats, intimidation, bullying.


Witness, the Paul Manafort trial, currently in jury deliberations in a Virginia courtroom. The radical left has threatened the the life of judge, T. S. Ellis and, through the mainstream press, it has tried to gain access to the names and addresses of the jurors. How better to defend democratic norms than to threaten jurors in a politicized prosecution.

Politico has the story:


“I had no idea this case would incite this emotion,” U.S. District Court Judge T.S. Ellis III said in an open court hearing, responding to a motion from seven news organizations, including POLITICO, seeking access to sealed materials related to the trial that would have publicly identified the jurors.


Ellis denied the motion, telling the courtroom that jurors were "scared” and “afraid.” As a result, Ellis said, he didn’t “feel right” releasing the names of the 12-person jury.


Judge Ellis is currently being guarded by federal marshals. He does not even go to his hotel along. And he has not divulged the name of the hotel where he is staying.

Powerline comments:


So they want to know who the jurors are so they can apply pressure on them through mob action, newspaper denunciations, online harassment and so on. This is how today’s Democratic Party operates. If the jury fails to render the Democrats’ preferred verdict, what do you suppose Maxine Waters will suggest Democrats should do to the jurors if they venture out in public?


The radical left, and some members of the not-so-radical left want to win at any cost. They are happy to interfere in jury deliberations, by using threats and intimidation to ensure the verdict that they want. Who does this? Well, we know who does this: organized crime syndicates have always tried to influence jurors, to bribe and threaten them.

Michael Moore Defends Socialism

The wit and wisdom of Michael Moore... from 2013. 


Friday, August 17, 2018

The Case of Whitey from the Hood

Pathetic does not do it justice. The letter, addressed to the New York Times advice column, is so bad that one first assumes that it’s satire. (via Maggie’s Farm) Some clever right winger has set out to show a hypothetical white person overwhelmed by guilt about white privilege.


Sad to say, the letter seems to be perfectly real. The Times columnists take it seriously. If you want to measure how the current cultural climate has destroyed people’s minds, this letter shows it starkly. If you were wondering why everyone seems so deranged, this letter also shows it. If you were feeling optimistic about America’s future, this letter will give  you serious pause.


Of course, the letter writer calls it “shame,” not guilt, but the letter writer is obviously intellectually challenged… despite attending an excellent university. We cannot tell whether Whitey is male or female… because what do you learn in college if not to hide your gender, but I am going to assume that she is a she. She was brought up in East Harlem, in a white minority world. She attended white minority schools. She declares herself to be upper middle class, but, between us, East Harlem is not an upper middle class neighborhood. Now she is attending a college that is white majority… and is having something of a meltdown over it.

Here is the letter:


I’m riddled with shame. White shame. This isn’t helpful to me or to anyone, especially people of color. I feel like there is no “me” outside of my white/upper middle class/cisgender identity. I feel like my literal existence hurts people, like I’m always taking up space that should belong to someone else.


I consider myself an ally. I research proper etiquette, read writers of color, vote in a way that will not harm P.O.C. (and other vulnerable people). I engage in conversations about privilege with other white people. I take courses that will further educate me. I donated to Black Lives Matter. Yet I fear that nothing is enough. Part of my fear comes from the fact that privilege is invisible to itself. What if I’m doing or saying insensitive things without realizing it?


Another part of it is that I’m currently immersed in the whitest environment I’ve ever been in. My family has lived in the same apartment in East Harlem for four generations. Every school I attended, elementary through high school, was minority white, but I’m now attending an elite private college that is 75 percent white. I know who I am, but I realize how people perceive me and this perception feels unfair.

I don’t talk about my feelings because it’s hard to justify doing so while people of color are dying due to systemic racism and making this conversation about me would be again centering whiteness. Yet bottling it up makes me feel an existential anger that I have a hard time channeling since I don’t know my place. Instead of harnessing my privilege for greater good, I’m curled up in a ball of shame. How can I be more than my heritage?


Whitey


As I said, this goes beyond pathetic. I assume you are thinking this, but I will mention it anyway: if we are to assume that this person has attended some college already, she has been brainwashed to within an inch of her sanity.


Evidently, she grew up in a very diverse neighborhood and was one of the few white people in her school. Somehow or other she ended up at an elite university. We can guess that precious few of her friends from the hood also ended up at elite universities. If we ask how it happened that she made her way out of the hood while her childhood friends did not, the answer might have something to do with her parents. How much did they help her out? How much did they advance her educational prospects?


We do not know anything about her family life. We do not know much of anything about her, beyond her white guilt.


Naturally, the morons who responded to this letter in the Times were perfectly happy to praise her for being politically woke. They want her to become a political activist, to enhance her understanding of how her privilege got her to a great university. No one has anything to say about the fact that her underprivileged high school classmates, if they had wanted to go to such a school themselves, would have been granted a significant privilege, by virtue of not being white. Everyone knows that it is far easier to get into elite universities if you are not white. The admissions office will add a few hundred points to your SAT score and will systematically subtract points from Asian students SAT scores.


The great conundrum within this nonsense thinking is that all of the supposed white privilege is actually working to the advantage of overachieving Asian students. And that most of these students, in New York City, do not come from wealthy or privileged families.


So, what is going on here? Whitey is not suffering from white privilege. Whitey is most likely suffering from anomie. Imagine the following situation. Whitey might be bright as a whip. Yet, she grew up in East Harlem-- a notably Hispanic neighborhood-- and, let’s imagine, developed the social skills necessary to function within that community. That includes accent, table manners, persona style… what have you.

So now she finds herself at a white majority college. The Asian students tend to congregate with the Asian students, so she is not welcomed into their midst. The white students were brought up in the suburbs or attended private schools. Their social skills, their customary behavior, the norms that they follow, are at complete variance from the ones she grew up with.

If she wants to associate with them, to join their group, she will have to transform herself… by learning new table manners, by learning to speak with a different accent… and so on. As for the minority students, they probably do not want to deal with her either… because she is not a minority. Besides, many of them must have profited from diversity programs. She did not. As long as colleges practice such quotas, minority students will be seen as not having been admitted by the same standards as the other students. Of course, some would have been admitted on the strength of their records,but most would not. Thus, minority students tend to self-segregate… and do not welcome whitey from the hood into their clique.


So, she does not really fit. She might try to change her social behavior, but that would mean acting more white. The solution, apparently taught by someone at the school, is to become a guilt-ridden embittered basket case… on the road to some serious mental health counseling.

To their eternal discredit, the two Times writers who respond to Whitey do not see that she is in trouble-- because she is lost-- that she is facing some serious mental health problems. And that making her more "woke" will not solve the problem.

[The author of the letter, one Titania McGrath was not writing about herself, but wanted to show all white people how they should feel. Thus, she was perfectly serious about it all. This is from her Twitter account: 

https://twitter.com/TitaniaMcGrath

I wrote this letter to the New York Times under my poetic alter ego “Whitey”, a privileged cisgender white girl from Harlem. I feel my letter encapsulates the way that all white people should feel about themselves. Still can’t believe they published it.]

Thursday, August 16, 2018

Don't Cut Class

All things considered, we are not running out of instances of ineptitude from the psycho world. This blog has scrupulously chronicled the bad therapeutic advice that floats through the media.

That does not mean that it's all bad. Serious psychologists, those who want to help their patients, are offering cognitive behavioral treatment and coaching. Anything else is seriously unserious.

Today, we find some excellent advice, coupled with equally excellent analysis, from a Los Angeles therapist, by name of Jennifer Taitz.

Addressing herself to college students, Taitz offers some simple but valuable advice: don’t cut classes. At a time when college students are flocking to mental health centers, this advice might not seem to be as brilliant as I think it is. But, if these students are suffering from a species of anomie, if they feel isolated and disconnected, what better way to take a consequential step in the right direction than: by attending class.

You have probably not thought about it, but Taitz has. She explains the value of attending classes in the Wall Street Journal this morning:

Cutting class also entails health risks. Getting up for lectures each day will help you cultivate good sleep habits, since one way to treat or prevent insomnia is to maintain a set wake time. If you stow your smartphone and mindfully participate, not only will you actually learn, but you may find yourself less stressed than when passively scrolling through social media or frenetically texting. Your British literature discussion may prove a nice distraction from ruminating about your relationships. And sitting in a room full of people you have something in common with is an opportunity to create meaningful connections and feel less alone.

If you assume sticking to your schedule feels forced—especially if you’re tired, hung over or behind on assignments—go anyway! Behavioral activation, or sticking to a meaningful plan independent of your mood, is as effective in treating depression as medication. Even when you don’t feel captivated by your required courses, arriving with your eyes up will help you live better and prevent the panic and sadness that are bound to torment you if you fall behind or isolate. After you commit to going to class, if your mind comes up with an excuse not to go, see that as mental spam, not a sensible plan.

Even if your college years are behind you, the same advice applies if you have a hard time getting going with your commitments. And if you need help with any of the above, find a therapist to help. But first, make a commitment to embark on your adult life as someone who shows up.

Yes, indeed. Show up. Be on time. Organize your life. Share a common experience. Connect with your fellow students. Participate. You will, feel less alone. And you will need less medication.

If, perchance, you do need a therapist opt for someone who understands these basic points. Such therapists are probably in the minority, but they do exist.

"Evil Is a Make-Believe Concept"

Gird your loins and prepare for another intense human interest story. This one concerns a pair of American millennials who dropped out of the rat race and decided to cycle around the world. They wanted to discover the effulgent beauty of nature and the basic goodness of all human beings. Working for a living had caused them to miss too many sunsets... and, we can't have that.

Warms your heart already, doesn’t it.

The Pluralist has the story:

Jay Austin and Lauren Geoghegan, who were both in their late 20s, quit their jobs in 2017 to embark on a trip around the world. Austin, a vegan, and Geoghegan, a vegetarian, decided that they're were wasting their lives working.

"I’ve grown tired of spending the best hours of my day in front of a glowing rectangle, of coloring the best years of my life in swaths of grey and beige,” Austin wrote on his blog before he quit. “I’ve missed too many sunsets while my back was turned. Too many thunderstorms went unwatched, too many gentle breezes unnoticed.”....

Of course, the happy millennials were humanists. That means: they believe in the intrinsic goodness of all people in all places at all times. They were so “woke” that they had overcome the notion that some people were evil:

“You read the papers and you’re led to believe that the world is a big, scary place," Austin wrote. “People, the narrative goes, are not to be trusted. People are bad. People are evil."

“I don’t buy it," he continued. "Evil is a make-believe concept we’ve invented to deal with the complexities of fellow humans holding values and beliefs and perspectives different than our own... By and large, humans are kind. Self-interested sometimes, myopic sometimes, but kind. Generous and wonderful and kind.”

Was evil really a make-believe concept? Apparently, the happy couple was wrong about that one. Sadly, they paid for their naivete with their lives:

The couple documented their year-long journey on social media until it came to a tragic and gruesome end in Tajikistan, a country with a knownterrorist presence.

Austin and Geoghegan were riding their bikes in the country on July 29 when they were rammed by a car, according to CBS News. Five men got out of the car and stabbed them to death along with two other cyclists, one from Switzerland and the other from the Netherlands.

Two days later, ISIS released a video showing the same men sitting in front of the black ISIS flag. They looked at the camera and vowed to kill "disbelievers," according to The New York Times.

R.I.P.


Sacrificing a Child's Education on the Altar of Diversity

The promise of racially integrated public schools, dating to the Brown v. Board of Education case remains just that… a promise. Efforts to integrate schools first produced white flight… to the suburbs. Then, in cities like New York, affluent parents did everything in their power to send their children to private schools. Finally, the charter school movement has improved the quality of education for those who attend, but those schools are not integrated.

In New York City today, public schools are still largely segregated. The best public high schools, Stuyvesant, Bronx Science and Brooklyn admit children on the basis of a single test. It's called meritocracy. The result: their students are mostly Asian, with a minority of white children and very few minorities.

The mayor and his new schools chancellor have been trying to introduce more diversity into these schools and into some of the public middle schools that have the best records. They are facing a rebellion by disgruntled, angry parents.

Erin Aubry Kaplan sees the same trajectory in the Los Angeles public school system. She writes in the New York Times:

Today Los Angeles and California as a whole have abandoned integration as the chief mechanism of school reform and embraced charter schools instead.

She continues:

Integration did not happen. The effect of my father’s and my foray into those white schools was not more equality but white flight. Largely white schools became largely black, and Latino schools were stigmatized as “bad” and never had a place in the California good life.

Kaplan believes that the fight for diversity in public education must be continued. After all, it promotes social justice. And we are all for social justice… right?

To which, a letter writer from California offers a dissident view. To its credit the Times has promoted this letter, which is a good thing for those of us who do not spend the time to read all of the letters written to the Times.

A parent writes:

Is the idea that I should sacrifice quality education for my own children on the altar of nebulously defined “social justice”?  Sorry, not going to happen. My kids grew up in a house full of books. Their father and I were involved in their education, trying to model curiosity, love for learning and academic success in our own lives. Why should my kids study in the same classroom with children who come from broken households with no books, no appreciation of learning, and no discipline? I don’t care whether these children are white, black or green. I tried to do the best for my own kids. Your kids are your responsibility.

Some will denounce this as a function of white privilege… assuming that the letter writer is white. And yet… sacrificing children on the altar of diversity… is the point where many American families have drawn a line in the sand.

Shielding Rapists in Germany

Here’s a scene from Angela Merkel’s Germany. If it does not turn your stomach, you are completely insensate.

The story involves a Yazidi teenager who was sold into sex slavery in Syria when she was fifteen. Her captor belonged to ISIS. She was forced to convert to Islam and then was raped repeatedly.

Now, resettled in Germany, the girl, Answaq Ta’lo ran into her rapist on a street in Stuttgart. The Times of London has the Story:

A Yazidi teenager who was sold into slavery by Islamic State but escaped has fled Germany after coming face to face with the man who abused her.

Ashwaq Ta’lo was 15 when her entire family was rounded up in the Isis attack on the traditional heartland of the Yazidi people in northern Iraq four years ago. She was eventually sold along with her sister and other young women and teenage girls, and lived with a man she knew as Abu Humam.

Eventually she contrived to give her captors the slip and made her way to Germany as a refugee, where she was reunited with her mother and several other family members.

Then one day in February, she was stopped by a man as she walked home in Stuttgart. “I froze when I looked at his face carefully,” she told Bas News, a Kurdish agency. “It was Abu Humam, with the same scary beard and ugly face. I was speechless when he started speaking in German, asking, ‘You’re Ashwaq, aren’t you?’”

Naturally, she reported her rapist to the local authorities in Stuttgart. Their response: they could do nothing; he was a refugee, just like her:

She, her mother and two brothers lived in Stuttgart. She said that during the encounter with her captor he told her: “I am Abu Humam and you were with me for a while in Mosul. And I know where you live, with whom you live, and what you are doing.”

Ms Ta’lo ran and hid before telling her brother, an asylum official and the police about the incident. The police identified the man from the market’s CCTV but told her that there was nothing they could do — he was also a registered refugee. European countries have managed to prosecute Syrian refugees for crimes committed on either side of the Syrian war but compelling evidence can be hard to find.

Ta’lo has moved back to Kurdistan. She cannot bear to live in Germany, a country that shields Islamist rapists. We await reaction from Germany’s feminists.

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

She Hates Being Single

Call her a casualty of therapy. She dubs herself “Single and Hating It.” She writes to New York Magazine advice columnist Ask Polly to complain about being single. Fortunately, for our purposes, Polly is more vapid than usual. We do best by ignoring her turgid rant, so we will.


The letter, however, exposes what really happens in far too much therapy. SAHI has learned to love herself. She loves herself a lot. She enjoys her own company. And yet, she is alone. She doesn't like being alone. She should not be alone. Therapy has told her, whether explicitly or implicitly, that once she loves herself sufficiently, a man will magically appear to love her for herself. Apparently, it hasn’t happened, so SAHI is dazed and confused.


As normally happens in such letters, we are presented with a steaming pile of sentiment. I feel this. I feel that. You feel what you feel and not what I feel. Your feelings are not my feelings… and so on, ad infinitum. The letter writers rarely present enough specific information for us to understand anything about their lives. This leads us to conclude that they have been taught to detach from reality in order to wallow in their emotions. And then they wonder why they are alone. Huh?


In her opening gambit, SAHI describes how much she likes herself. Solipsism, anyone?


As a diehard introvert, there are few things I cherish more than my precious alone time. I’m no stranger to solitude. I run alone. I read alone. I paint alone. I like to sit and relax and think about my life alone. At no point is there a running dialogue of “I wish I were more like this …” or “I hate this about me …” None of that. I like myself.


We are all happy to discover that she likes herself. She has no sense of how silly and jejeune that sounds, so we can safely conclude that she is mouthing what her therapist told her.


Of course, if you are in love with yourself you are, by definition an idealistic romantic. SAHI confirms our suspicions:


I have an idealistic romantic side, and yes, I love being showered with adoration. I love to shower them back tenfold. I love intimacy. I love sex. I love cuddling. I love doing nice things for my partner to make them feel appreciated. For me, love is what makes life worth living. Without it, I feel completely lost. This was not always the case, but my feelings have changed. I want to find my partner, build a family, a life.


Obviously, Polly reads this and absurdly concludes that SAHI does not believe in love. In truth, it’s all that SAHI believes in. She has no sense of the reality of conducting a relationship. It’s not all sex and cuddles. Do I need to explain this to adult women? Apparently, if they suffered enough therapy, I do.


SAHI explains that the love of her life, the “one,” the man of her dreams… was cheating on her. She seems, in her account, to suggest that lying about infidelity was the worst part of the infidelity. She could have forgiven the infidelity, but not the lies. This feels like displacement. She has every right to accept or reject whatever she wants to accept or reject. And yet, if “the one” is constantly cheating on you, he is probably not “the one.” I admit, you need to think beyond your sentimental attachment to arrive at such a conclusion, but still?


After 2.5 years with a partner who I thought was “the one,” it turns out that he was not. It was a life-altering breakup, and it was sudden. I lost my home. I lost my dog. I lost my best friend. The year before I lost my father, suddenly, to a heart attack. The weight of it all has been too much. I’ve been going to therapy every week for months. I’ve tried my best to keep up appearances that “everything is fine” so I can function at work and continue being a good friend and dutiful daughter. But the truth is that the unbearable emptiness is eating away at me every single day. I take responsibility for my own faults that contributed to the dissolution of my relationship, but the larger issues were beyond my control. Fidelity was not his bag. The numerous lies involved to cover up those infidelities were a deal-breaker.


Apparently, “the one” was considerably older. He was also not entirely committed to her. After a decent interval she moved on to a younger man. SAHI is 33. Her new paramour was in his 20s. Examine her description of the relationship. She thought he was attractive. They looked like a cute sporty couple. Really? Is that what makes for a great relationship?


After dating a considerably older man, I was excited by the prospect of dating a man a few years younger than me, still in his 20s. He was fit and active. We had so much fun outdoors. We looked like such a cute sporty couple. But appearances aside, I gradually realized that he was grossly immature and had some pretty low opinions of women. The cracks began to show in unpleasant ways.


And then, along came the deal breaker… period sex. Surely, this is much more than we want to know. A minimum sense of modesty would have prevented her from explaining it all in such agonizing detail. It suggests that her lack of discretion is a bigger problem than she thinks.

Of course, SAHI and Polly gang up against the man in question. Apparently, he reacted badly upon discovering his virile organ covered in blood. In their eyes, he is an immature self-serving misogynist, incapable of dealing with a real woman.


Here is SAHI’s description of the incident that broke their relationship:


And once I thought my period was over, we jumped right into bed. About 15 minutes into it, I see a disgusted look on his face. He said, “EWW, you smell like blood!” and then ran to the bathroom to wash his penis for what felt like an eternity. I. Was. Mortified. I have had sex on my period before with previous partners, and it was no big deal at all. And I can respect any person’s wishes to not partake in period sex. But he body-shamed me at one of the most vulnerable moments possible. I got dressed, left his apartment, and I broke things off. It was too indicative of what was to come. I was, and still am, extremely disappointed.


I will leave the biology to other people, but apparently she did not know that she was still on her period. Or perhaps there is another explanation that we will scrupulously avoid. She might have warned him in advance and asked how he felt about the issue. If she did not know, she has a good reason for not having told him. Which makes it convenient for her to think that she was mistaken.


And then, her shame is such that runs screaming from the room and from his life. She might have apologized. She might have said something. She might even have discussed what happened. No, her emotional resilience is so lacking that she fell apart on the spot and concluded that the man was a hopeless misogynist. Let’s just say that her own relationship skills are somewhat lacking.


So, she has gotten to this point:


I feel stuck. I’m almost 33, and I’m craving a monogamous, stable relationship so bad I can taste it. But after dipping my toe into the online dating world, and then suffering through a series of really awful dates, I’m starting to panic. I was baffled by the men who seemed so normal but talked only about themselves on dates, clearly only interested in hooking up even though their profiles suggest otherwise. It was like they were so concerned with selling themselves that they forgot to ask about me. These are grown-ass men! I deleted the dating apps. I’m so sick with disappointment that I am closing the book on dating until, well, when? How much time do I really have to build this family that I so badly want? Please keep in mind that this family does not even need to involve children. A stable, loving partner comes first. If children happen, great. If not, I can deal. I’m not desperately trying to meet someone so I can have a baby. I want to meet someone to share my life with. Why is this so hard?


Ah yes, the contemporary app-driven dating scene. I would not want to wish it on anyone, especially anyone female. Given the number of women who want nothing more than to hook up, it should not be surprising that men’s expectations should veer in that direction.

Now, it seems that men talk only about themselves… perhaps that means that they too have suffered through too much therapy and have mastered the art of talking to walls. Perhaps they are taking advice from behavioral economists. Of course, thanks to her therapy SAHI is also deeply into herself. You have to wonder how much she has left to offer to any man. And you certainly have to wonder about her own social skills, her own dating skills.


She is 33. She is beginning to panic. She and her smart beautiful friends bought the idea that if only they were independent and autonomous the men would be flocking to their doors. They imagined that if they loved themselves, men would love them. No one bothered to tell them that, when you are a woman, age is not your friend. And much younger men are generally a bad bet. It would be nice if SAHI could free herself from her fairy tale and start functioning in the real world.


As mentioned above, yes, I am an introvert. But I get out. I’m involved in clubs and organizations, and I love hanging with my friends. But I’m not meeting anyone. What do I do with this lost, empty feeling? Why am I, and so many of my smart, beautiful, successful friends, struggling to meet decent men? As much as everyone’s “take time off and find yourself” advice is a nice thought, I’ve already found her and she’s great. I’m ready to meet my equal. Until that happens, how do I deal with this intense loneliness and longing?