The Case of the Mocked Girlfriend

Shining some light into the darkness, The Washington Post advice columnist Carolyn Hax gets it right.

Here is the problem, explained by letter writer, Mocked:

I just spent the weekend in the company of my boyfriend's brother, who mimicked/mocked me, belittled almost all my actions and made fun of my chronic health condition. My boyfriend says this is just " 'George's' sense of humor," and that I should ignore it and not be so sensitive. I experienced this as abusive and believe my boyfriend should have spoken up on my behalf, even by calmly stating, "That's enough, George." My solution is to limit my participation in future family gatherings, which bothers my boyfriend. What do you recommend?

I do not have to tell you the answer. At least, I hope that I don’t. Mocked should exit the relationship, post haste. She has seen the warning sign. It is a very bad sign. And she should draw the correct conclusion. Did you notice? Brother George made fun of her chronic health condition? Now, that’s a manly man for you.

Hax advises a return to singlehood. Not only did the boyfriend expose himself as his brother’s lackey-- doubtless a long standing family dynamic, but he blamed his girlfriend for being overly sensitive.

Run, run, run. The family that created a mean-spirited George also created your boyfriend, and that usually leads to one of two outcomes: Your boyfriend is determined and careful not to be mean-spirited, knowing too well its emotional costs, or your boyfriend is mean-spirited, too. This guy has just given you ample evidence that he’s the latter, at least under pressure, which is when you least want that to be turned against you.

Of course, Mocked is wrong if she thinks that she can continue a relationship with her boyfriend and completely avoid his family. No man is an island, as the poet said. You do not just marry an individual. You marry into his family.

The boyfriend is weak and cowardly. That’s the best case. The worst case is that he will become just like his brother. Time to get out while the getting is good.