The Onion Welcomes the iWatch

Yesterday, Apple announced its new wristwatch. It's called the iWatch, as opposed, I imagine to, YouWatch or TheyWatch or BayWatch. Since I am anything but a customer of the firm, I will refrain from commenting.

Yet, The Onion offers some illuminating insights into this great moment in the history of technology.

Here is a sampling:

              

• 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
• Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
• Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
• Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company

And:

• Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
• Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device