If you live in a world defined by the feminist narrative, you will believe that men are disposed to abuse women. When it comes to dealing with women, men are not to be trusted. They are predators, oppressors, liars, cheats and rogues.
To the best of my knowledge the narrative originated in a book called, The Origin of the Family, by Friedrich Engels.
Following the narrative, when women seem to be abusing men, they are defending themselves against the abuse they have suffered for the better part of their lives.
Given the power imbalance and given male dominance and male privilege… what else can a woman do?
In this narrative, men and women are in a constant state of dialectical conflict.
Getting along and living in harmony are signs of selling out. Those who live such lies refuse to face the dire truth about male/female relationships in a capitalist patriarchy. Men and women will never get along with each other until the patriarchal order is overthrown and a new age dawns.
Those who live in this narrative do not really care that women abuse men emotionally or otherwise. Female abusers are strong and empowered. If privileged men cannot stand up for themselves, it’s their problem.
At the same time, one suspects strongly that the instances of women abusing men are wildly underreported. Male pride prevents men from making an issue of it. It does not look very manly to get beaten up by a girl.
A woman who accuses a man of abusing her is striking a blow against the patriarchy. A man who accuses a woman of abusing her is admitting to being a wuss.
We’ve all seen it. And heard it. You’re in a restaurant. There’s a man there with his girlfriend. As people are eating and socializing, you can’t help but notice. When the man tries to speak, he is cut off by his girlfriend. She mocks him when he tells a story that might make him look good, and finishes his jokes for him. When the waiter brings the menus, she makes fun of his selection. While she complains about spending money on him all the time, you can’t help but notice that he is paying for all of her drinks. By the end of the night she is berating him outright, and as they exit the restaurant, the woman is in a full rage spiral, yelling about something unrelated to anything that has happened in the last three hours. No one says anything.
The evidence is obviously anecdotal, but Judge offers a compelling case study in emotional abuse:
When he met his future wife ten years ago, he was captivated by her beauty, but also by her wicked sense of humor and ability to intelligently cut others, mostly pop culture figures, down to size. They were like a team, and had a child together. After a couple years, something changed. Her wit was now more often than not turned on him, first as sarcastic jibes and then as outright abuse. She complained that he didn’t make enough money, and soon he felt like nothing he did was enough. She began to withhold affection, and her mood was so unpredictable that he felt like anything he said or did would be attacked. The sarcasm that once brought him a jolt of joy now cut him apart. More than once his wife called him in an incoherent rage about something he didn’t understand. Strangest of all, she began to lie about certain things yet seemed convinced she was telling the truth. Weeks after a weekend in Las Vegas—which he had paid for—she complained that she was “tired of paying for our vacations.” After the divorce, she insisted on having their daughter on the days when he wanted to take her to play basketball, her favorite sport.
Of course, one does not want to place all the blame on women.
For all we know, the female perpetrator of emotional abuse was previously abused by a boyfriend or a male family member. In some cases women who have engaged in hookups and in friends-with-benefits relationships believe that a man’s failure to make it into a real relationship is emotional abuse.
We should add the fact that men and women are now competitors in the marketplace. At times they do not compete fairly. Some women are too quick to accuse men of abuse and some men harass women in order to demoralize the competition.
Then again, it might be the case that some men and women get an erotic charge out of beating up on each other. Call it the ultimate politically correct fetish.