At least I am not late to the party. Last night witches across the world held a ceremony at the stroke of midnight. Apparently, they wanted to save the world by turning Donald Trump into a pumpkin.
Have you ever asked yourself why it’s always the stroke of midnight? I assume that it means that at midnight they are going to stroke themselves. Now, that explains it.
When I say that I am not late to the party I mean that several weeks before the past election I suggested (link here) that Hillary Clinton was a witch. To be fair and balanced I also noted that I believed Huma Abedin also to be a witch. Hillary did not lose because she was a woman. She lost because she was a witch.
As you would expect for a story of such moment, you can read all about it in the Daily Mail:
Men and women from around the world are planning to gather and cast a spell at midnight that will stop President Trump from doing harm while also possibly banishing him from office.
Mass rituals have also been planned in multiple covens, during which men and women will perform a spell to bind President Trump and all those who abet him by delivering a chant and holding a brief ceremony.
This is not an exclusive witches-only event wither, with Wiccans, shamans, Heremeticists, cunning folk, sorcerers and sorceresses, hoodooists, occultists, magicians, Ceremonialists and Ritualists also invited and urged to take part.
The mass binding could not be easier either, with only a handful of household objects needed for the ceremony and the newly composed chant available online for all to see.
President Trump, who has long been a strong and vocal proponent of 'witch hunts,' has yet to comment on the planned ritual.
One awaits the Trump tweet on the witches. One assumes that they are craving recognition.
Now, much of the witch’s agenda has already been proposed by more respectable Democrats. Now the Democrats have revealed their Trump card. If all else fails, if they cannot get the votes, they can appeal to their base of witches and ask them to cast a spell.
I am sure that you want to know about the ceremony performed by the witches. Yet again, the Daily Mail does not disappoint:
Among the objects required to complete this spell are an unflattering photo of Trump, a tiny orange candle, a Tower tarot card and bowls of water and salt.
There must also be a pin, which is used to carve Trump's name on the candle.
Once that first step is complete, the aforementioned items should be arranged around the individual in a pleasing position along with a feather, a white candle and an ashtray or dish filled with sand.
From there, a prayer for protection should be said by all participants before they launch into the chant.
You are then instructed, as follows:
When it is time to launch into the chant, which was allegedly created by a member of a private magical order.
In one refrain, the witches must chant: 'I call upon you / To bind / Donald J. Trump / So that he may fail utterly / That he may do no harm/To any human soul.'
The second verse tackles a different issues, with the lines: 'Bind him so that he shall not break our polity / Usurp our liberty / Or fill our minds with hate, confusion, fear, or despair.'
President Trump's supporters are also wrapped into the chant.
Be-witching: The event will take plave once a month until President Trump leaves office.
'Bind them in chains / Bind their tongues / Bind their works / Bind their wickedness,' sing the women and men, who at this point are told to take the orange candle and light President Trump's photo on fire.
To close things out the phrase 'So mote it be!' is repeated three times and the candle blown out.
It is important that while blowing out the person is 'visualizing Trump blowing apart into dust or ash.'
Witches are then ordered to ground themselves after the ritual before disposing of the candle.
If you missed out on last night’s ceremony, fear not. The witches will be performing the same ceremony once every month until the danger is diminished.
To be fair to the witches, the Daily Mail includes the salient fact that some of our nation’s witches have rejected the ceremony… because it does not show enough love. They believe that their faith, such as it is, requires them to shower the world with love, not with hate. They do not believe that witches should cast spells wishing harm on anyone.
The assembled witches have replied by insisting that they are simply trying to diminish Trump’s capacity for doing harm. One notes, with the Daily Mail, that they are going to follow the ceremony with an effort to conjure up spirits from the underworld.