Saturday, March 18, 2017

Sick Jokes for Saturday

Forget, for a moment, the Daily Mail. What would we do without Readers Digest? Once you get over your shock at knowing that it still exists you can turn your attention to its report on the latest in cognitive science.

We are all dying to know the latest from cognitive science. A journal called Cognitive Processing has run a test. It has discovered that your ability to laugh at sick jokes shows that you have a high IQ, lower aggressiveness and are better able to shield yourself from negative feelings.

Instead of running yet another idiot test to tell you how smart you are, you can test yourself by reading the following jokes. You probably do well to keep the results to yourself.

The story begins with this one:

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Magic beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof —and plummets 15 stories to the ground.

The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Here’s another:

 Q: What has four legs and one arm?

A: A happy pit bull.

And another:

 Q: Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

A: Because they taste funny.

And finally:

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

1 comment:

Gospace said...

Q: What has four legs and one arm?
A: A happy pit bull.

I posted this one on my facebook page because I laughed immediately. Had one of my friends from HS, graduated way back in 1973, complain that I shouldn't have posted it because not all pit bulls are vicious; he and his wife have a really sweet pair. So, I asked why would he object to the pit bulls- but not to the dismembered human being that is essential to the joke? I'm waiting for an answer.

When working retail I had a discussion with a manager. Told him that for sale people, if not all employees, they should put the prospective employees in a room for an hour, and show them an hour of comedy routines, everything from Burns & Allen to Rodney Dangerfield to Jerry Seinfeld and the Three Stooges. Include sexual and off color humor. Observe all of them. Anyone who looks uncomfortable or who doesn't laugh and doesn't seem to enjoy most of it- SHOULDN'T BE HIRED! They're going to end up being special snowflakes, people who everyone else will have to learn to tiptoe around, the ones who are going to fly to human resources with complaints about other workers because their feelings have been hurt. Speaking as someone who has survived 4 complaints of sexual harassment in the workplace, with no action taken against me except for the investigations that found nothing, I know of what I speak.