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It has taken them a very long time to figure this out. Young
women who bought the feminist life plan believed that once they had
self-actualized into perfectly independent and autonomous creatures they would
naturally find true love. It would beat a path to their doorway.
Better yet, the studies show that men want to find smart,
successful, independent women. How does it happen that men who say these things
do not want to settle down with smart, successful independent women? When they meet a smart, successful, independent woman they run in the other direction. Could it be that they are looking for wives, not for co-equal partners? Duh. Did you notice that the author does not use the adjective "strong." In almost all other contexts you cannot refer to woman without saying that she is "strong," to say nothing of empowered. And thus, more manly. What's to like?
There is a colossal irony in the recent revelations about how these strong empowered women have suffered so much sexual abuse... which makes them look weak and vulnerable. It's what happens when you attempt to restructure the culture in order to make it fulfill the terms of your ideology.
If men say one thing and do another, you might conclude that
they are lying to you… or better that they are patronizing you by telling you
what you want to hear. It's much better than getting into an argument with a woman who is going to lean in and rant about feminist dogma.
But, don't let women in on this secret. If they knew that being smart, successful and
independent… not to mention in their mid-thirties… was going to diminish their chances of finding a good husband they might reconsider some of their life
choices. Or, maybe not. Forewarned is forearmed. In truth, it's more likely that they are going to blame it on men.What good was feminism if women could not blame all their problems on men.
As it happens, it’s not just men who have been lying to the
survey takers. Feminists have led women down a road that is going to make them
decidedly unattractive. Unless, of course, the men in question can use them for
hookups.
The amusing part is that the new generation of bright,
independent, successful women cannot figure this out. They cannot figure out
that men are not obliged to follow the feminist life script. They cannot figure
out that they are going about it all wrong. Perhaps they are not as bright as
they think they are.
Lisa Bonos raises these issues in an article about a new
book:
Jenna
Birch’s new book sat on my desk for months before I could bear to open it.
“The
Love Gap: A Radical Plan to Win in Life and Love” is about why smart,
successful independent women — the type of women men profess to want — have
trouble finding steady relationships. For years my single girlfriends and
I have been told by the men we date: You’re everything I’m looking for, but I just don’t feel it. Or: You’re great, but I’m just not ready
for a relationship. We’ve heard the same refrains for decades, in
breakup talks with men in their 20s, 30s, even their 40s.
Happily, for us all, Birch unearths the real reason why
these men do not want to commit. They still believe that being a husband means being
a provider. It’s hard to imagine it, but decades worth of feminist indoctrination
and non-stop brainwashing in schools has not erased this patriarchal thought
from men’s minds. It could be that there is something biological, something
natural in the role… but that would be too hard to imagine.
Bonos comments:
Rather,
Birch finds an explanation in the enduring pressure
men feel to be providers, even in an era when, in about a third of married
or cohabiting couples, women bring in half or more of the household’s earnings.
Here is the colossal irony that is hanging over this
discussion. In America’s schools and in her culture and even in her homes, boys
are diminished in favor of girls. In fact, the school system has become a conspiracy
to exalt girls at the expense of boys. Naturally, those who have proposed this
reset do not believe that propping up girls must take place at the expense of
boys, but in reality it does. So, girls end up being world beaters and boys end
up being slugs… playing with their video games in their parents’ basements.
When faced with a woman who is outperforming him, your
average man will turn off and shut down. He will not advertise what looks to
him like his own inadequacy by being attached to a woman who does better than
him. True enough, there are exceptions to this and to all other rules, but the
reality is clear enough.
Bonos describes it:
And no
matter how much men say they want an equal partner, a woman who’s smart and
independent, studies
find that such women often make men feel emasculated or inferior.
Of course, the great feminist minds think that the problem
is men. They always think that the problem is men. If you tell men that it is all their fault, you are effectively diminishing them by guilt tripping them. And then you are wondering why they do not want to marry you.
In truth, the problem lies
in the ideology women have bought, uncritically. They have created the
conditions that are making them into hookups but not marriage material:
Men are
kind of stuck in that norm, where they have to provide. They put that pressure
on themselves. I started to see that a lot in my dating life. The guys who were
settled were more interested in pursuing things and seeing where it would go;
they had a relationship mind-set. The guys who were not settled or didn’t know
where they were going to be, didn’t know if they could provide, were very
skittish about making a firm commitment or going in that direction.
One would like to be more sympathetic, but, when you make
you bed, the sad truth is, that you have to lie in it.
4 comments:
And then there's that career woman waiting into her 30s to have a child. Haven't grasped the meaning of "Strike while the iron is hot." Also, there's the real risk of an interested man being accused of sexual harassment.
If I am damned if I do and damned if I don't then I don't. What is to be gained for the results are the same. Better to do for myself.
I have to admit that I feel sorry for many of these young men for they will always have the fact that the women available to them can never be truly trusted. Trust is far more important than most believe in a marriage and or a long lasting relationship. One cannot always be wondering if they are going to be accused of sexual harassment or the male crime of the day as envisioned by the feminists.
I remember when early feminists would state that we are your mothers, daughters, sisters, et al. So many men did. It is interesting, and indicative of women/girls that they generally don't care or remember that we are their, fathers, sons, brothers et al. It does seem that women did not.
If one is a bit cynical one might think that it was always about the princess and what the princess wanted. It was never about equal and was never going to be. It is some what like ballet where the male dancer spends almost all of his time displaying the female lead. He has maybe one scene in which he is allowed to enjoy being a male, or the evil protagonist, and then right back to being an accouterment.
Between the men already taken, other men deciding that dealing with women who are looking for a doormat (with or without money) isn't worth the time or effort, and others that have been burned once too often and aren't going to play the game anymore (MGTOW), is it any wonder the 'successful single women' are having trouble finding anyone? They have been sold the lie that they can wait until later and all that's important until they're in their 30's is making sure they have successful careers. By then it's too late for many of them. How many men do that? How many men start families while they are still working on their careers?
To quote Anonymous above, "If one is a bit cynical one might think that it was always about the princess and what the princess wanted. It was never about equal and was never going to be." On more than one occasion I have listened to young women discussing their careers and potential relationships. More than a few have the mistaken belief that they'll find someone who will meet their every need without complaint and will "do what I want them to do." It would be easier (and cheaper) for them to hire handmaid/valet rather than inflicting themselves on an unsuspecting man.
There's not as much here as you might imagine. I don't see what hook ups have to do with it. We do need some realism of the gender differences.
Wealthy power men will have their selection of willing mates who can be as ambitious and smart as they want, and still not threaten the ego of their husbands. And on the middle lower class, there's no such thing as successful single-earner households, and men will look for women who can also earn a reasonable wage so they can afford to live.
And in the middle men can always reach a little bit downwards on the socioeconomic scale for a woman who won't out compete him in his self-worth as provider.
But in the yes, it does look like women who strive for higher ambition careers don't have the same options as high ambition men, and many should more realistically aspire to be good aunties to their sibling's children, and once motherhood is foresaken, they can compete equally with any man and all that feminist striving for power and achievement, and there will yet be ambitious men who will appreciate them, as mistresses perhaps?
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