The Perfect Time for a Face Lift, or a Bit of Botox

Today’s Bible reading comes from the Book of Ecclesiastes:

The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem.

Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?

The text pops into mind when we read of the experience of famed New York plastic surgeon, Dr. Steven Levine. He provides an answer to what New York’s rich and famous are doing during the pandemic shutdown.

One understands that he is talking about the few wealthy New Yorkers who are staying home. That is, the happy few who have not decamped to the Hamptons or South Florida.

One suspects, though it is never quite made explicit, that it’s all coming from women. After they see dead-faced Botoxed Michigan governor Gretchen Whitner, they naturally want to go out and look as bad as she does. Figure that one out.

In the past, lines on one's face designated character. Now, we certainly cannot have any of that.

Besides, the lines on your face subtly express emotion. And they allow you to read the emotions of your interlocutors-- that is, when we speak to someone face-to-face we mimic their facial expressions, thereby understanding what they are trying to express. Now, today’s sophisticated New York women aspire to a condition whereby they have no facial expressions, and thus can sit around complaining about people who do not express their feelings. 

So, the world is collapsing around them. And New York’s grande dames are desperate to have some work done on their faces.

Dr. Levine, who does faces (and a few other body parts) for a living, is shocked by the intensity of the reaction:

Though I’m isolated with my wife and kids outside of the city, I’m shockingly busy. I’m only doing virtual consults all day. The demand from wealthy and celebrity clients to get work done — face-lifts, tummy tuck, breast augmentation — while no one is looking, while they have nowhere to be, is extremely high. Sadly, my answer is either no or not just yet.

They are desperate, though probably not for the reason they think they are desperate. Whatever the cause these women are so desperate that they are happy to throw gobs of money, even cash money, at the problem-- the better to entice Dr. Levine out of his social distancing:

Almost every virtual consult ends with “How quickly can you do this?” They want to take advantage of this perceived downtime. It seems like the perfect time to recover from a procedure like a face-lift, where you need at least two weeks to lay low (whereas for breast augmentation, you only need a few days to rest at home).

I think the requests for face, neck, eyes, and nose are constant at the moment because people are looking at themselves on Zoom all day, analyzing their angles. We all have bad angles. We will all take bad photos. They don’t want to hear that. I don’t judge any of them. When you look good, you feel good.

Is the increased demand coming from Zoom meetings? Perhaps. It might also be coming from boredom and detachment, from the absence of social connections. They are trying to make the best out of a bad situation, but, effectively, cosmetic facial enhancements make things worse.

How desperate are they?

One very well-known entrepreneur wanted to come to my office on the Upper East Side and get her face done, like, yesterday. She offered me more than four times my usual fee, all cash, and told me she’d have her lawyer draft a nondisclosure that she wouldn’t tell anyone we did it. I told her, “I love you to death, but no.”

Dr. Levine concludes:

The pent up demand for plastic surgery is off-the-charts crazy-high right now, and everyone wants to be first in line when I do open. 

I note this just in case you think that you have it bad.