Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The Onion Welcomes the iWatch

Yesterday, Apple announced its new wristwatch. It's called the iWatch, as opposed, I imagine to, YouWatch or TheyWatch or BayWatch. Since I am anything but a customer of the firm, I will refrain from commenting.

Yet, The Onion offers some illuminating insights into this great moment in the history of technology.

Here is a sampling:
  • 13-megapixel camera enables users to take crystal-clear pictures of wrist
  • Allows wearers to start and stop the flow of time
  • Discreet, but not so discreet that anyone would mistake it for a regular watch
  • Comes in a variety of colors and styles to express your personal submission to the planet’s dominant tech company


  • Small size and intricate circuitry able to drive twice as many Chinese workers to suicide as iPhone
  • Makes it easier for muggers to see whether or not you’re carrying an expensive electronic device

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