Sunday, September 17, 2017

When Size Matters

Sad to say, this story does not come to us from The Onion. It comes from the Daily Mail. The tabloid  reports on a human male who is as dumb as a dumbbell. In truth, I find it radically impossible to figure out what possessed said male to insert his male member in a dumbbell weight. I leave it to your imagination. 

At the least, this seems to have been the first time in written human history that a man underestimated the size of his member.

Anyway, here’s the story. It comes to us from the German city of Worms—more notable for its association with one Martin Luther.

We note how difficult it was for firefighters to release him:

A man who stuck his penis in a dumbbell weight spent three hours surrounded by firefighters who sliced him free with power tools.

Angle grinders, a saw and a hydraulic rescue tool usually used to prize crash victims from vehicle wreckage were used to smash the 2.5kg disc on Friday….

The agony was such that the man had to be sedated:

The victim had to be sedated as firefighters from the city of Worms smashed the weight to free his penis, according to Metro

Firefighters shared a picture of the smashed weight on social media with some helpful advice for anybody tempted to squeeze their manhood into tight spots, saying: ‘Please do not imitate such actions!’


Anonymous said...

A vasectomy would have been easier.

Jack Fisher said...

The preceding words:

"Here, hold my beer."

Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCD said...

Lorena Bobbit offers a simpler solution.

Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCD said...

Indeed, Jack... after all, Oktoberfest began yesterday, and we now see the fire department is already busy. The Lowenbrau tent must be equipped with a fitness facility, featuring a resistance training wellness program that pairs well with the beer. Prost!

Sam L. said...

I am kinda surprised it didn't happen here. Or to an American over there.

Andrew_M_Garland said...
Penis caught in camp stove 2:20