Forever, Empathy

Let’s see. One Michael Ventura is in the empathy business. He sells empathy to corporate bigwigs and honchos, or to those who wish to get into closer tough with their feelings.

It’s a waste of corporate resources, but that was never a reason not to do something.

So, Ventura is seriously torqued by the fact that Elon Musk, of all people, has spoken ill of empathy. It is a threat to his business and we cannot have that.

In an interview this year with Joe Rogan, Elon Musk quipped that “the fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy.” He seemed to blame it, in part, for the decline of America’s cultural vitality. He said he believed in empathy but cast it as being “weaponized” by the woke.

If we wanted to be pedantic we could note that the Greek root that comprises most of the word empathy is: pathos. Now, you know what pathos is. You know that under certain circumstances you should feel some pathos. 

But, that is the point. Pathos is about feeling. Dare we say that this mental drool about the virtue of empathy-- what do you mean, you do not care?-- is recycled girl talk.

Some time ago we discovered that the brain contains empathy circuits and these are activated in women during pregnancy. The research was performed by one Elseline Hoekzema at the University of Barcelona.

If we assume that this cerebral transformation has a purpose, we can conclude that enhanced empathy is useful when you are dealing with a non-verbal being, that is, with an infant. There, empathy is useful in reading needs. It does not give you access to more complex adult emotions.

At the least, we can assume that empathy has a place in the nursery and that if you apply it to other situations you risk infantilizing people. That would be called therapy. 

Pretending that you can read emotion risks infantilizing other people. If you can read minds you are telling other people that they need not express themselves. 

Beyond that, it is rude to pretend that you can read minds. It says that you are intrusive and invasive, to the point where you do not respect anyone’s zone of privacy.

As for Ventura, he offers his own definition of empathy.

Though we often think of empathy as synonymous with kindness, that isn’t entirely accurate. Empathy is not the same as compassion. At its core, empathy is the ability to understand others’ perspectives — what they feel, what they think, what they fear, what they want. That understanding can be wielded in service of a greater good. Or it can be exploited, as Mr. Musk argued.

Fair enough, empathy is not about kindness. And yet, the sense that we do best, whether as friends or family or managers, when we understand what other people are thinking or feeling feels like a rank exaggeration.

Now, in one sense this has an element of truth. When we speak to someone else, face to face, we read facial cues. We do so by mimicking them. If we figure out that we are going astray by touching on matters that are best ignored, we might very well change the subject of a conversation.

When we are conversing face to face, we read facial expressions. Our goal is not to feel anyone else’s feelings or to service their needs, but to know when we should continue or discontinue a line of discussion.

Of course, if you are managing a company, your ability to feel anyone’s feelings is ancillary to the larger goal. That would be, to motivate your staff to do their jobs.

When Ventura says that Musk is a master of empathy, he is clearly wrong, Musk is a master of getting things done, and of motivating other people to get things done. In part he does so by setting a good example. It is more about what a manager does; less about what he feels.

Staff tends to emulate managers. It matters little whether the manager can feel your feelings. It does matter that he acts in a way that incites you to emulate  him.