Tuesday, November 16, 2010

"How to Give Advice That Someone Might Take"

My new column at the RightNetwork has just been posted. Entitled "How to Give Advice That Someone Might Take," it's a follow-up to my initial column there.

Enjoy!

16 comments:

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Dr. Schneiderman
RE: On Giving Advice

I've found that only the desperate actually TAKE advice. And even many of the desperate, some facing death by cancer, refuse to listen and go on and die needlessly.

All of your points are salient, however, even abiding by them is no guarantee of success.

People are just bone-headed. Even to their own demise.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[God made the Earth and everything therein for Man.]

P.S. But even the most devote Christians refuse to accept that concept. And thereby refuse to take advantage of all that has been given to us. And suffer, accordingly.

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Dr. Schneiderman, et al.
RE: 'Good Advice', Anyone?

Here's a little test of 'good advice' you can perform in the comfort of your own home. It correlates well with my previous item tagline.

Do you do any cooking in your household? Does your significant other?

During the process is there an ocassional accident involving hot items? A burn? Rather painful? Sometimes to the 2d degree? Leaves a scar?

Try this little experiment....

[1] Go to a good health food store or someplace like Whole Foods.
[2] Purchase a vial of cantharis from their homeopathics section.
[3] Take it home and put it in a convenient place in your kitchen or medicine cabinet, against the next such accident.
[4] When that event happens, as it usually does, when the burning begins....just to confirm it's such an event....take four-six of the tablets and put them under your tongue.
[5] Do not swallow them. Stomach acid denatures the active agent. Let them dissolve of their own accord.
[6] Do not speak much. Do not drink or eat anything until 15 minutes after the tablets have dissolved.

If your experience is the same as we have in this household and that reported by some of the few others who have TAKEN THIS GOOD ADVICE, your pain will go away in 15 minutes after the tablets have dissolved. And, there will be little, if any, scar tissue.

I've had several severe burns and my experience has been as described above. A recent 'convert' wanted to kiss me the last time she saw me. She makes candy for weddings and was habitually having burn accidents with hot sugar. She got some cantharis and after the next incident—hot sugar under the thumbnail—she took it and 15 minutes later she was wondering if she had actually burned herself.

So. There's an example of someone taking good advice. On the other hand, I have a multitude of experiences where I tell people about this and they NEVER take the advice. Much to their loss.

So. I have to ask you....

....do you have what it takes to take some 'good advice'?

How about the $6-7 to purchase the cantharis? Or would you rather suffer?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. About that 'no virtue in giving advice that isn't taken' business....

....I'm reminded of some Old Testament guy who gives an analogy of a man in a watchtower, who warns the people of something. And, if the people heed his warning, they can save themselves a lot of trouble. But if they don't heed his warning, they suffer accordingly.

On the other hand, if the man in the watchtower does not give the warning, i.e., 'good advice', the suffering is considered to be on HIS head.

Something to ponder, that....

Chuck Pelto said...

P.P.S. And before you start citing the 'placebo effect'....

....please tell me how a lack of scar tissue is the result of a psychological experience.

Anonymous said...

That was a really good article.

I've previously written:

"Everyone who has ever given me career advice is now fired or laid-off. I've been so abused by 'advice givers' that I am incapable of taking advice!"

However, I love hashing over an 'intractable' problem with a pal, or someone I respect and coming up with a better idea, or at least a better grasp of the problem, than I had before.

I love seeking out information from disparate sources and constructing a better solution than 'I' could come up with.

After reading your article, I now realize that most, very nearly all, 'helpful advice givers' are just a-holes who want to passive-aggressively crap on me; for my own good of course. I hate 'em. I hate "advice givers".

The next person who comes up to me and says: "let me give you a piece of advice" I'm going to baby-shake until their eyes bleed.

"Good Advice" never comes with that wretched label attached and the people who dispense "good advice" would never be accused of such a tawdry thing.

--Gray

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Gray
RE: Soooo.....

....I guess those people who want to take the car keys away from someone who is obviously 'drunk' are just a bunch of passive-aggressive a-holes. Eh?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[And that was;
Good Advice.
Yes that was;
Good Advice.
And good advice cost nothing;
And its worth the price.]

Stuart Schneiderman said...

It does happen, as Chuck suggests, that people only take advice when they become desperate. It's like the alcoholic who refuses to listen until he hits rock bottom.

I still think that it matters how the advice is given. Just telling someone to do something is rarely going to produce a very good result. There are skills involved in managing and leading and mentoring... and they do not reduce to just telling someone to do this or that.

As for cantharis, aka Spanish Fly, I would recommend that anyone who tries the treatment consult with a homeopathic physician first. My brief review of the literature suggests that it is a substance that needs to be handled with care.

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Dr. Schneiderman
RE: Cantharis

Doc, the whole medical community insists that the dosage of active agent in homeopathic materia medica is so low as to be inconsequential.

Personally, I know better. But the dosage is so low as to not be harmful in any way....that is IF you're experiencing the symptoms related to the materia medica. If you aren't experiencing the symptoms, you WILL. It's referred to as 'proofing'.

In the meantime, get yourself a vial and keep it handy. Your little experiment might just open your eyes to a new world of wonder. And hope for a better life. Especially in the face of Obamacare. [Note: Funny, how J.R. Halderman wrote about all this back in the 1970s in his classic work The Forever War.]

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[What disease did cured ham have, exactly?]

Chuck Pelto said...

P.S. I agree that the 'delivery' of the good advice is an important part. Telling someone they're FUBAR is delivery with a 2x4. It might get their attention, but it likely will result in resistance as well. That is unless they can recognize they're FUBAR.

My personal approach is to 'challenge' intelligent people to step out of their 'comfort zone' in order to discover something new and amazing.

Whether they have the courage to do so is their 'personal problem'.

Anonymous said...

I guess those people who want to take the car keys away from someone who is obviously 'drunk' are just a bunch of passive-aggressive a-holes. Eh?

"If you throw a rock, it's the dog what yelps is the dog what got hit."

And you just yelped very loudly.

I don't know how that scenario entered your mind. Odd....

I do not, nor have I ever, driven drunk, impaired, or intoxicated. I don't choose to endanger others, my rank, or my security clearance. Why would you go there?

--Gray

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Gray
RE: Yeah. Yelping....

I yelp quite a bit about drunk drivers.

Seems that some years back I lost a good friend to drunk driving.

What's your point? That drunk drivers are 'good' for the world?

Just ask'n....

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[The Truth will out....]

Chuck Pelto said...

P.S. Thanks for properly identifying where you 'stand' on this issue.

Anonymous said...

Cue "Twilight Zone" music....

--Gray

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: All
RE: Again....

....no cogent discussion from Gray.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. I wonder if their political alignment is 'liberal'.

[Liberals aren't. Progressives won't.]

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: All
RE: An Additional Observation

I do believe that in an earlier thread on a different topic down-the-hall from here, Gray made a comment that implied that he had some sort of experience IN the Army.

Based on his being wrong in that comment, I have to wonder about levels of veracity.

This brings up a question regarding this thread topic....

.....how does one give and/or take advice from someone who lies?

Considering that there has been no logical argument from Gray regarding the 'advice' on homeopathy and cancer AND their blatant statement that anyone who offers advice is considered an "a-hole", I have to wonder if there is a degree of 'projection' at play here.

So, what does someone do with that sort of mentality?

The only think I can come up with is to leave them to their own sufferings. One does what one can. You lay it out there and they can take-it-or-leave-it. And I think I mentioned something like that before, in my earlier items in this thread.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
P.S. Get the homeopathic-grade cantharis. Test it for yourself. What have you got to lose? $7? What have you got to gain? A world of wonder.

Look upon it as a 'risk assessment' matter. $7 vs. loss of pain.

It's up to you to decide.....

Stuart Schneiderman said...

Personally, I think it would be nice if people could agree and disagree without insulting each other. Don't you agree?

Chuck Pelto said...

TO: Dr. Schneiderman
RE: I Can Agree....

Personally, I think it would be nice if people could agree and disagree without insulting each other. Don't you agree? -- Stuart Schneiderman

....with that. Ad homs are hardly conducive to open and honest discussion.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[The one who throws the first ad hom, losses the argument.]