"The Day the Market Died"

From Doug Kass, hedge fund operator at Seabreeze Partners, via Tyler Durden, just in case you want to be cheered up. For the record the prescient Kass called a market top several weeks ago. 

Kass's song should be sung to the tune of  Don McLean's rock anthem: "The Day the Music Died."

A long, long month ago

I can still remember

How the market used to make me smile

What I'd do when I had the chance

Is get myself a cash advance

And add another social media stock to the pile

But Whirlybird Yellen began to make me shiver

With every speech that she delivered

Bad news on the global growth front

Still I'd take one more punt

I can't remember if I cried

When I heard about the lowly CPI

But you could lose your capital and your bride

The day the market died

So bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just one month from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

We're right back where we were in July

Did you buy stocks you never heard of?

LinkedIn at $230 or above?

'Cause the shoe shine boy told you so

Now do you believe in Home Depot?

Can Berkshire save your portfolio?

And can you teach me what's a P/E ratio?

Well, I know that you were leveraged too

So you can't just take a long-term view

Your broker shut you down

No more margin could be found.

I never worried on the whole way up

Buying Tesla from the back of a pickup truck

But on Friday I ran out of luck

The day the market died

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah, we're right back where we were in July

Now for 20 days, we've been on our own

And my E-Trade broker probably won't pick up the phone

But that's not how it used to be

When investors snapped up another bubble

With cash they borrowed easily

And a quote that flashed up permanently green

Oh, and just as things were turning 'round

Putin slapped the Ukraine down

The courtroom was adjourned

A Bear Market verdict was returned

And while the EU read a book on Marx

Buffet smirked and Chanos barked

While the bears sang dirges at "The Ali Blah Blah Top"

The day the market died

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

Manic panic, it's just like the Titanic

Unsinkable and now problems well beyond the Atlantic

The Dow was at 16,500 but falling fast

On "Squawk Box," Tom Lee landed foul on the grass

While Joe and Becky were still trying for a forward pass

With Larry Kudlow on the sidelines in a cast

Now "Fast Money's Halftime Report" air was filled with sweet perfume

But Mr. Market wasn't playing the Najarians' marching tune

The bulls all got up to dance

Oh, but they never got the chance!

'Cause the bearish players took the field

As the long bond fell another 50 basis points in yield

Was mean regression ever really repealed

The day the market died?

I started singin'

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

Oh, and suddenly we're underwater

Billionaires all hot and bothered

With no cash left to buy again

So come on, Fed be anxious, com-pen-sate

By lowering to negative the fed funds rate

'Cause easy money is a bubble's only friend

And as I watched the indices fall

I received the dreaded margin call

No broker born in hell

Could make me want to sell

But as my gains fell fast into the crash

E-Trade began demanding cash

The talking heads were talking trash

The day the market died

They were singing

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just three weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

I met a strategist, the market's most optimistic equity muse

I asked him for their earnings news

But he just smiled and turned away

I logged on to the trading floor

Where I made my fortune weeks before

But they demanded to see cash before I played

And on T.V. the ticker streamed

Stifel's Bannister cried and the short sellers dreamed

Not a bullish word was spoken

The daytraders were choking

And the three stocks I acquired last

GoPro, Netflix and Comcast

Couldn't catch a bid and faded fast

The day the market died

And they were singing ...

Bye bye to my piece of the pie

I poured my paycheck into the Russell

Now my cash account's dry

It's just two weeks from a new all-time high

And now we're right back where we were in July

Yeah we're right back where we were in July

Source: Doug Kass of Seabreeze Partners Management

A special treat, here's the original: