The last time I heard a woman call a man a “dog,” she did not mean it as a compliment.
Now, in yet another sign of the decline and fall of Western civilization-- in particular, of the Anglo-Saxon branch-- British television has done an expose on men who believe that they are dogs, who dress up like dogs, who walk on all fours, who bark like dogs, but who are, alas, vegetarians.
And, why not? If you can be whatever gender you want to be; if you can change your gender based on your belief and impose that belief on everyone else; why not become a dog or a cat or a goat.
[For the record, a woman in Norway considers herself to have been born into the wrong species. In her case, as in the case of the transgendered, God made a mistake. She is really a cat. The trouble is: she cannot catch mice.]
Is it all any different from bronyhood. You recall the brony contingent. Having discovered that many girls love a story called My Little Pony, groups of men have taken to dressing up as ponies. The call themselves bronies and get together in congresses. They do not, I have reason to believe, think of themselves as real ponies. I wrote about this absurdity several years back. Link here.
At least Gregor Samsa had the good sense to be metamorphosed into a giant and verminous insect… involuntarily, however.
Just in case you were having trouble adjusting to men who think they are women and women who think they are men and people who think they are neither, soon our government will issue an executive directive explaining that if Tom thinks he is a dog, you must treat him like a dog. Or, to be fair, like a puppy. Treating people like dogs does not sound quite so felicitous.
Anyway, here is what’s coming around the bend, from The Guardian, where they take this stuffy utterly seriously. Don’t you know that they are simply testing the strength of your conviction, your ability to believe anything whatever. If you buy into it you have shown that you have completely taken leave of reality and thus have become a complete fanatic.
Keep in mind, if you don’t believe this, you are a bigot. And if you think that these people, including the journalists, are not serious, you do not see what is going on around you:
It’s easy to laugh at a grown man in a rubber dog suit chewing on a squeaky toy. Maybe too easy, in fact, because to laugh is to dismiss it, denigrate it – ignore the fact that many of us have found comfort and joy in pretending to be animals at some point in our lives.
Secret Life of the Human Pups is a sympathetic look at the world of pup play, a movement that grew out of the BDSM community and has exploded in the last 15 years as the internet made it easier to reach out to likeminded people. While the pup community is a broad church, human pups tend to be male, gay, have an interest in dressing in leather, wear dog-like hoods, enjoy tactile interactions like stomach rubbing or ear tickling, play with toys, eat out of bowls and are often in a relationship with their human “handlers”.
In the documentary, we see Tom, AKA Spot, take part in the Mr Puppy Europe competition in Antwerp, a mix of beauty pageant, talent show and Crufts; David, AKA Bootbrush, talk to camera in a leather dog mask; two pups walk through London pretending to wee on lampposts to raise awareness of their identity; and lots of men jumping up for “treats”, barking and wagging their mechanical tails.
When I speak to Tom, he is keen to point out that puppy play is about more than just outfits and surface-level power games: it’s about being given licence to behave in a way that feels natural, even primal. “You’re not worrying about money, or food, or work,” says Tom, who works as an engineer in a theatre. “It’s just the chance to enjoy each other’s company on a very simple level.”
It’s easy to laugh at this, but don’t you dare. If you refuse to accept these people for what they really are, the thought police will come and get you.
If perchance they do, here is a solution. Tell them that you are invisible. Tell them that since you believe you are invisible, you are invisible. If they can see you, they are bigots. If they touch you they are bigots. They should be condemned for failing to accept you for what you really are.