Don't Look Back; Look Ahead

It’s so obvious that I have even noticed it myself. And I have occasionally remarked it on this very blog.

The point, which has now received the imprimatur of science, is that therapy, in many of its incarnations, has placed far too much focus on the past. It has ignored the future, not to mention the present. 

Jolanta Burke has it right:

For over a century, psychologists such as Sigmund Freud and Carl Rogers focused people’s attention on the past. And so when Mary struggles to maintain romantic relationships, she blames her past boyfriends for it. When Chris battles with addiction, he digs into his memories from childhood when he first felt humiliated. And when Saoirse doesn’t want to settle down, she attributes her free-spirited nature to being the youngest child in her family.

But what if these psychologists got it wrong? What if it is not the past but how we view the future that holds us back, preventing us from becoming the best versions of ourselves?

Psychological research has become obsessed with searching for the causes of mental ill health. However, an increasing body of research suggests that focusing on the future may protect us from depression and help us cope with stress more effectively. Sometimes, instead of dissecting the negative memories, we need to focus on a better understanding of how we view our future.

In fairness, some forms of therapy, especially those of the cognitive and behavioral bent, do not much care about the past. And yet, much of therapy has taught people a mental reflex-- when something goes wrong, when you fail to get something right, you are supposed to rummage through your memory bank, the better to imagine that it alone can tell why you keep messing up.

It ought to have been obvious to all, but the more you obsess about the past the more you are ignoring the specifics of any present situation. If we understand that the past does not repeat itself and that you are not the slave to your infantile attachment issues, we should also be able to understand that making a plan for dealing with a current problem is going to be far more effective than ignoring the problem and getting lost in our minds.

Therapy has often pretended that once you resolve the emotional turmoil that dates to your toilet training, you will automatically start getting things right in the present. It is an absurd contention, but that has not prevented more than a few people from believing it.

And, of course, the past does not repeat itself word for word, letter for letter. If you do not understand the particularities and granularities of your present circumstances, and if you have no idea of where you want to go, where you can go, and how to get there, you will be lost in the wilderness of introspection. This does not mean that studying the past cannot offer some useful lessons. But those lessons must be gleaned as a function of present circumstances and future plans.

You cannot be dealing with your life or even living your life or even conducting your life if you imagine that you must first resolve your past issues. And of course, you do not want to get mired in the present. Looking toward the future means making a plan and putting it to the test.

You recall what the god told Orpheus: Don’t look back. Look ahead, especially if you want to get ahead.