Don't Bring Your Whole Self to Work

You would have thought that the “bring your whole self to work” movement would by now have been dismissed. Any manager worth his salary must understand that oversharing at work is a bad idea. Many aspects of your whole Self should be kept out of the workplace. 

Aside from the fact that oversharing is distracting and that advertising your vulnerability causes you to lose respect, no one really knows what the whole Self is anyway.

Six months or so ago I debunked this latest executive coaching fad. I even pointed out the cogent analysis provided in the New York Times by Pamela Paul.

One would have thought that people would by now have gotten over the, bring your whole Self to work, movement,

Alas, I spoke too soon. 

Apparently, if we are to believe Wall Street Journal columnist Callum Borchers, the movement is alive and well in many corporate offices. Worse yet, many companies believe that it is therapeutic to share and to overshare.

One would have been much happier if one could report that the corporate world has figured out how to erect a wall between the personal and the public, between private matters and business dealings. Alas, such seems not to be the case.

Apparently, corporate honchos have chosen to use the pandemic as an excuse to overshare, that is, to turn workplace interactions into therapy:

The pandemic made many of us more comfortable talking about our mental health at work, surveys show. Feeling less pressure to act like we’ve got it all together, some people now swap struggles with burnout and impostor syndrome almost as freely as they talk about sore joints after a weekend 5k.

Why do people not share their mental health problems at work. Borchers explains:

… mental-health taboos in the workplace—the fear that co-workers will think you’re distracted or otherwise compromised on the job. Even as some people feel secure enough to acknowledge battles with stress, self-doubt or even diagnoses like clinical depression, it can be hard to discern the line between being vulnerable at work and TMI.

The truth is, if you advertise your vulnerability or your lack of confidence people will naturally lose respect for you. They will be forced to decide whether your actions and decisions reflect your mental health issues or what is best for the company.

Worse yet, when you share your mental health issues, you put other people in a position where they are not trained in how to deal with them.

In some companies, staff learns how to listen compassionately and with empathy. If it sounds vapid, that’s because it is:

Learning how to listen compassionately without playing amateur counselor is now part of leadership training at Yelp Inc., says Carmen Whitney Orr, the company’s chief people officer. She views employees’ increased willingness to talk about mental health as a silver lining of the pandemic but fears the openness won’t last without care and attention.

Obviously, some of those who open up and overshare pay a price for it. If they take time off from work, they discover that work goes on without them:

Sergio Valenzuela, a data analyst in Portland, Ore., says he paid a professional price for taking a five-week mental-health break from work last year. He says he told colleagues about the toll of losing several loved ones, including his mother, in close succession and described fatigue that came from feeling he had to outperform others because he is an immigrant.

Mr. Valenzuela says his employer supported his leave of absence. Upon returning, he felt that important decisions affecting his team had been made without his input, which caused him to question his standing in the company. He left for a new opportunity several months ago.

He would do it all again—the break was exactly what he needed—but he warns against naively expecting that sharing emotional truths doesn’t happen without trade-offs.

The bottom line is this: keep your private matters to yourself. If all of those around you in the office see you as depressed or as suffering from trauma, they will treat you accordingly. They will not let you forget it. And despite what everyone is telling you, if everyone looks at you with pity or compassion, you will have that much more trouble putting the trauma behind you.