Why Are Young People Troubled?

You are surely aware of the latest and greatest theory explaining the emotional problems young people are suffering these days. Apparently, these problems are not limited to our shores. Children in Scandinavia, Jonathan Haidt has told us, are similarly suffering from increased depression and anxiety.

Apparently, this means that the problem is universal, though I find it difficult to accept that the world comprises the Anglosphere and Scandinavia.

For the record, Haidt has argued in various places that the fault lies with smartphones. Ever since children gained access to these miniaturized computers they have ceased interacting with other children, have withdrawn into the fortresses of their souls, and have shown increasing signs of mental illness.

I have on occasion suggested that I find these explanations too facile. There is more to life than gadgets and it is too convenient to say that we can blame the gadget. What about parental responsibility?

Nevertheless, less time on smartphones is surely a good thing. Discipline and control, imposed by parental authority, is surely a good and positive thing. Banning these gadgets from dinner tables is surely constructive.

So, is the problem the existence of smartphones or the inexistence of parental authority. One wonders whether the wildly reviled Tiger Mom would have allowed her daughters free and open access to smartphones. And, we understand that her children were growing up in the pre-smartphones era. 

This is to say that psycho sciences have determined the way we bring up children, and not necessarily for the better. So explained Abigail Shrier in her new book, Bad Therapy, and we can surely agree with her.

We have learned that the exercise of authority is a bad thing, and we are suffering the consequences. Try explaining that parents should ration their children’s access to these phones.

Now, consider an alternative explanation for the poor mental health of today’s adolescents.

Among the problems that the younger generation is suffering is this one-- bad table manners. Doubtless this is much less sexy than blaming it on a gadget, but if you want people to interact with each other, the dinner table is one place where they can learn how to do it. And they will not be able to do it if they have bad table manners.

We are all aware of the research showing that family dinners are an important factor in children’s emotional well being. But, family dinners require good table manners and disciplined coordination. If each individual at the dinner table is off in his own world or hooked into his own phone, no one will be connecting.

A British survey shows that most young people do not care about table manners. And yet, most of them are irritated by the lack of same.

The New York Post reports:

Over half of Gen Z diners don’t think table etiquette is relevant anymore, according to a survey by restaurant group Prezzo.

The survey found that 77% of Gen Z diners didn’t care if people put their elbows on the table and 60% couldn’t care less about how someone holds their silverware, Yahoo reported.

Table manners aren’t just disappearing among the younger crowd. The survey found that 32% of people of all ages never think about their table manners.

On the contrary, over half of the British diners asked said they are upset about the lack of table manners they observe around them. Meanwhile, 49% of people asked said they wouldn’t date someone who had bad table manners.

The survey showed that 48% of people were irked by loud chewing, 37% were annoyed when people used their food at the table and another 37% hated when people ate off others’ plates without asking.

More than half of survey participants also hated it when people talked with food in their mouths, were very loud or snapped their fingers at servers. 

Besides elbows, another appendage Gen Z can’t seem to keep off the table is cell phones as 38% of young adult diners admitted to using their devices during a meal. 

At the risk of being banal, different cultures have different table manners. If people are going to participate in such bonding rituals they need to use the same table manners. It’s like being a member of a team. You need to wear the uniform, conform to the grooming code, play by the rules and take turns.

We need to make one distinction here. It’s one thing to have different table manners, table manners that may pertain in a different culture. It’s quite another to have no table manners, that is to pretend that you are there to do something other than to share a meal.

And that means, no phones at the dinner table, or even at the lunch table.

Not only is having your phone at the table rude, it’s unhygienic. A study from the University of Michigan found that your phone is 10 times dirtier than a toilet seat.

Noël Wolf, the cultural expert at Babbel, agreed that phones at the table should be where people draw the line. We now live in a culture where people post pictures of their meals on Instagram but it should end at that, Wolf and Finney agreed.

“Despite the fact that many of us have openly admitted to using our mobile phone during a meal, it’s generally understood that their use at the table should be restricted,” Wolf told Yahoo.

“Taking a quick snapshot of your food before digging in is usually harmless, though sometimes fellow diners might find this annoying,” Wolf added.

But then, if different cultures have different table manners they will need to adopt a single set of manners if they want to have group dinners. They need to adopt the same customs and follow one set of rules. As Robert Putnam explained in his study, E Pluribus Unum, when we want people from different cultures to get along they need to adopt an encompassing monoculture.

This means, as I have previously suggested, that multiculturalism, the notion that all cultures are of equal value, militates against social cohesion. And, social disconnection fosters depression and anxiety.

Consider this. Assuming that Scandinavian teenagers are as likely as American teenagers to suffer from emotional distress, we can certainly remark that these countries have recently allowed large numbers of migrants into their country. Nations that had been culturally monolithic suddenly welcomed groups of people from Muslim countries, people who did not know the local language, did not follow the local customs and rejected the local manners.

Might this not have contributed to the breakdown in social cohesion and adolescent mental health?  Especially when the new migrants refused to assimilate. If  Haidt is correct to say that Scandinavian youth are suffering from poor mental health, it might have something to do with smartphones, but it might also have something to do with multiculturalism.

Surely, it is far more acceptable to say that the problem lies in a small gadget than it does in our lust for multicultural diversity.

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