Monday, February 6, 2012

How to Improve Your Sex Life

What’s the secret to better sex?

You won’t find it in marriage manuals or in toy collections. You will not find it in the pages of Cosmo or on You will not find it by obsessing about sex or by doing a lot of therapy or by getting drunk and hooking up.

No, if you want to improve your sex life, you need only to become … a conservative Republican.

Who knew?

Andrew Malcolm reports the shocking findings today:

A new report from based on an outside survey of some 6,000 single Americans confirms what most conservatives had long believed privately but could never confirm because, being conservatives, they can't really talk about sex or acknowledge its existence, despite all their children.

The finding: Republicans have the highest rate of orgasm of any group in the report. Especially conservative Republicans. No wonder those tea partiers always look so happy.

In fact, a majority of self-identified conservatives reported that during sex they reach orgasm just about every single time. That's way higher than the Democrat's national job approval.

Such a high conservative orgasm rate compares with only 40% reported success for liberal Democrats who, being liberal, talk openly forever about subjects like sex to affirm their liberality.

But we now know they're over-compensating for inadequacy and self-report experiencing considerably less satisfaction in private.

To tell you the truth I have suspected this for quite some time now. Don’t ask me why.

If you spend all your time talking about sex, protesting about sex, proclaiming your sexual prowess then the chances are very good that you are trying to stimulate an activity that has become harder to stimulate.

Besides, despite what the culture keeps telling us, modesty is a turn on. So is discretion.

Talking obsessively about sex, being liberal minded about all manner of sexual activities just  means that you are trying too hard. If sex is as good as you say you do not need to tell the world. If it's that good you are more likely to keep it between yourself and your partner.

One wonders what Dan Savage is going to make of this. One does not really care, but one does wonder.


David Foster said...

Arthur Koestler once remarked that "the British have sex on the brain, which is a very unsatisfactory place to have it."

Not sure whether that really applies to Brits, but maybe it does apply to "progressives"...

Dennis said...

Makes one wonder why feminism got its start, and is still stronger, in "blue" cities. Could it be that talk just doesn't make things happen.
Those who do do and those who don't talk. It does seem that those most prone to talking about something are the least prone to actually do anything.

Stuart Schneiderman said...

I agree.... either they're are trying to talk themselves into it or they're trying to cover up the fact that they are not practicing what they preach.