Sunday, September 17, 2017

Parenting, American Style

We have already examined, in some detail, the authoritarian parenting practiced in Shanghai. Today, we are afforded a glimpse into a scene that perfectly renders the American style of parenting… based as it is on the doctrine of unconditional love.

This story comes to us from The Onion:

LOS ANGELES—Maintaining her complete dedication to the comfort and happiness of the teenager who just threw a sweater at her face, local mom Julie Macon reportedly continued to give unconditional love on Thursday to her daughter Kara, who just called her a bitch in the middle of a local Hollister. “You’re being such a bitch,” said Kara to the woman who brought her into the world and nurtured her from helpless infancy to adolescence with nothing but pure devotion and care, continually putting aside her own needs and desires to ensure the success of the 15-year-old who just suggested she leave her credit card and wait in the fucking car. “Are you retarded? I told you it doesn’t fit. Either get me the right one, or leave me the hell alone.” Sources confirmed that the teenager who could do literally nothing to jeopardize her mother’s love for her later screamed “I wish you would fucking die!” and locked herself in her room for the rest of the night.


DeNihilist said...

Sometimes the Onion seems more factual then the NYT

Ignatius Acton Chesterton OCD said...

Veruca Salt lives on!

Ares Olympus said...

I recall from Jordan Peterson's rules for living: #30 Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.

We can pretend that kids who have food they don't want to eat stuffed into their mouths will grow up to be respectful teens who will never trash talk to their parents. It might work with some kids, but as a parent I'd dislike a child who needed such treatment, so that's a problem.

OTOH, a mercy killing of your own child might be one final expression of unconditional love, if the teen years are just too painful for them.

Sam L. said...

Ares has a good point here!

Armed Texan said...


Sometimes? Are you some kind of comedian?

Assistant Village Idiot said...

I've had five, and am no longer sure parenting means that much. I think it's mostly genetic. However, life is more enjoyable when people at least try to be pleasant to each other, and it's good for children to practice on their family of origin so that they'll have a leg up on the nice little extras of life like having friends and getting/holding a job.

I would tell them "Your only job is to make us look good."

BTW,Dr. Schneiderman, I still use that example you told me about the young man who could not leave Manhattan for better prospects because the image of himself being able to eat a bagel in The Authentic Spot was too precious to him.

Stuart Schneiderman said...

That's a great piece of advice: all parents should teach it.