Wednesday, October 25, 2017

The Case of the Indecent Girlfriend

Today Carolyn Hax faces a letter writer whose girlfriend sounds like an utterly appalling human being. Happily for all of us, Hax declares that said girlfriend is an utterly appalling human being. We might ask how the letter writer failed to notice this, but, until now, he did not.

He calls himself “Torn” and recounts his tale of woe:

This week, a co-worker died in a motorcycle accident. I didn’t know her well, but she was very well connected and her death directly impacts many people in our office. I wanted to go to the funeral to show my support for the family. The victim’s brother works in our warehouse, and I see him frequently.

When I told my girlfriend I was going to attend the funeral, she did not understand why and was even offended that I would even consider attending. She tragically lost her mother five years ago. I lost my aunt three years ago, also very tragically, and a childhood friend this year to what seemed to be an opioid overdose. My girlfriend compared the death to these and is critical of the fact that I would consider this death tragic in any way when people die all the time and it’s a fact of life. In her opinion it’s insulting to attend this person’s funeral because I did not have a personal connection with the victim.

My moral compass (and the consensus of my co-workers) is telling me I should be there. My girlfriend is highly offended that I would consider, and I am torn between attending the memorial and offending my girlfriend. What do I do?

How is it possible, you ask yourself, that he does not know what to do? How is it possible that he feels constrained to ask a newspaper gossip columnist? Is "Torn" just a pseudonym for Pajama Boy?

Hax responds:

Check your girlfriend’s brain for loose hardware?...

I also feel compelled to type out loud that I find it bizarre and surreal that anyone would require you to justify your impulse to be there, and that you’d actually comply. Funerals honor the dead but also comfort the living, so it’s perfectly customary to go to a funeral when you know the survivors better than you know the deceased. Yet she is “highly offended” that you would make this extremely common, utterly unexotic gesture of decency and goodwill?

To quote my then-toddler: What the fox?

I am not sure whether we should call this a modern relationship or whether we should simply say that these two people deserve each other. Obviously, the relationship is in trouble and “Torn” should exit it as soon as possible.

Personally, I like the toddlerspeak reaction:

What the fox?


Sam L. said...

I am reminded of this:

Torn should dump this woman and never speak to her again. We go to funerals to support the family of the decedent.

Ares Olympus said...

It's a surprising thing to be offended about. I can see, if he asked her to come, and she never met this coworker, she can decide to not attend with him but she should have no need to judge his decision at all.

I don't know if this is grounds for breakup, but it is certainly one of those moments where you can admit you have no idea who this person is and how their world is so completely different inside.

Its also interesting that he felt the need to ask for "professional" advice, especially advice that would seem to come back long after the funeral ended.

I admit usually the people I've seen who offer stories like this to strangers, they're in the process of evaluating reasons for a breakup, so maybe this is to be exhibit A?

JPL17 said...

This woman should win "Worst Girlfriend in the World" award. I doubt her motive had anything to do with her taking authentic "offense", and everything to do with her obsessive need to control her boyfriend.

By coincidence, Kurt Schlichter's comment this morning about social justice warriors seems to describe this woman to a "T" -- just replace the words "they" and "their", with "she" and "her":

They want you to shrug and comply. Their strategy is to whine, complain, and annoy you until you become accustomed to obeying. They want to exhaust you with a never-ending litany of accusations of breaking the unending supply of new rules you didn’t know existed before you broke them.

This endless series of new rules is supposed to keep you off-balance and constantly vulnerable to their correction and guidance. You will never, ever be right – there’s always some new infraction for which you must submit to further restrictions of your right to self-governance.

In other words, break up with her yesterday!

Jack Fisher said...

The only question I have is whether Torn chewed off his balls or she did it for him.